The Hidden Bits of the Helicarrier
by CretianStar
Summary: Basically little nibbles and chunks of cannon and AU stories that might float into my head at times. All pairings, requests welcome.
1. Those Really Do Sting

A/N: Drabble Drabble Drabble. Woo have this!

* * *

"Those really do sting."

"They really hurt you know!" Natasha was sat with Clint while he cleaned his bow as she re-fletched some of his arrows.

"I know, you used them on me when I shot better than you." He snorted, reaching for the oil between them. She was strapping another small explosive mechanism to another arrow and putting it back in his quiver.

"Did I? Oh yeah I did."

"Yeah, most recruits get the Taser initiation, my long standing friendship with you gets me Widow Bites. Thanks." He smiled as she did.

"But seriously." Tasha said as she charged up another set before a mission. "I might start to pity the bastards."

 _N.R_

Bloodied, bruised and back in the safe house in the relative backwaters of Illinois. Clint dumped his once again dirtied bow on the bed they'd share and groaned. He eased his shirt off his back and grunted as the movement pulled at a slightly deeper cut on his stomach. Tasha was already pulling the first aid box out from under the bed and throwing gauzes at him. She strapped two pieces of butterfly tape over his stomach before padding the gauze over the top.

"I lied." She winced as she rotated her shoulder, Clint had popped it back in on the way back to camp. "I don't pity them, I'm just glad they hurt them that much."


	2. Cold Toes

A/N: Have some Bucky love.

* * *

"Bucky." Steve grunts in the middle of the night. "James. Wake up." He pokes his beau in the chest.

"What." His bedmate opens one eye and glares back.

"Your arm is freezing, stick it under the covers before you put it across my chest." Steve whines and snuggled further under the duvet, scooting away from the chilly metal arm.

"I'm sorry…" Bucky has both eyes open now and is staring down at his other half with a bemused look on his face. "Did you say, my entirely metal appendage is _cold_?" He then proceeds to press the length of his arm down Steve's spine which results in an unmanly screech and Steve hopping out of bed.

"Are you serious!" He's incredulous at Bucky's beaming face.

"Yup, your side of the bed is so much warmer than mine."

"Tomorrow morning, we're getting Stark to fiddle with that thing and finding a way to keep it normal temperature. It's only October and you are only getting to get colder!" Steve was now out of bed and glaring grumpily at his content boyfriend.

"Get back into bed. I'll try to keep myself to myself." Bucky offers and Steve's back in bed faster than anything.

It was as the pair were dropping back off to sleep that Steve's dreams were interrupted again.

"Khristos Rogers your feet are like ice and I know ice."

"So do I punk. Shut up and sleep." Steve grunted into his pillow as his arm settled around Bucky's waist.


	3. Fight or Flight

A/N: There's always going to be competitions going on in Avengers Tower. "Testerone Spill on Aisle Three!"

* * *

"You really want to do this bird brain?"

"Bring it on metal head."

"Boys seriously, do I need to send you to your rooms again?" Natasha just wanted a nice quiet morning in the Tower, but no, she comes in to find Sam and Tony facing off, after another argument about which was better – Falcon wings or Iron Man suit.

"Suit up. To the docks wins." Tony growled and Natasha sighed, pouring milk onto her Lucky Charms she vanished into the spacious living room to catch up on Once Upon A Time and ignored the continued squabbles. She also ignored Tony asking Jarvis to clear the airspace around the Tower.

Steve and Rhodey were out on the balcony watching the pair argue as they suited up.

"Oh yeah, can you do this." Tony held out his hand and waited.

"What is this, the start of Saturday Night Fever?" Sam scoffed as he tugged his pack on. He was momentarily silenced as Tony's suit zoomed out of the cargo doors and attached itself to his body.

"Bring it on beaky." Iron Man's smugness practically radiated off of him.

"Already gone." Sam's voice came out of his earpiece and he realised that the Falcon had already vanished from the Tower.

"Damn." He growled. "Sorry Cap." Iron was soon disappearing into a black blob as he raced to catch up with Falcon.

Grabbing the other man's ankle Tony made to throw him back, only Sam was ready and grabbed the shoulders of the Iron suit. They pretty much brawled over the streets of New York; cheat tactics included almost breaking one another's gadgets until they were caught in a spinning twist as they hurtled towards the docks, still grappling with one another. When they finally crash landed on the road running along the edge of the water they came to a grating stop at the foot of another suit.

"Rhodey?" Iron Man looked up to War Machine.

"Not quite." The face piece popped open to reveal a pissed looking Pepper.

"One, I beat you here and two… you best beat me home or Stark I am going to kick your butt. As for you Mr Wilson." Her tone turned a little more polite but it was no less than arctic as she glared at the sorry pair.

"Run." Iron Man whispered as the pair got up from the floor and soon bolted into the air.

"Great, another crater to fill." She looked at the mess they'd left behind. "Memo to Friday; call City Council, make another donation and get hold of Jeff from road maintenance, tell him another one."


	4. Place Your Bets

A/N: Maybe a little more Stucky. With a little bit of naughtiness implied so I'm gonna up the rating to a T! Enjoy. Now I will sleep.

Sweet dreams darlings!

* * *

"There was me trying to set you up with the all the wrong people." Natasha came in after Steve's work out, practically dancing towards him with a grin on her face.

"What do you mean?" He unwrapped the bandages from his hand and tossed them to the side.

"There was me with … was her name Laura, and Aggie, and Mary and Kate and actually you wanted Lawrence and Arthur and Marvin and Kyle." She grinned back at him when he coloured. "You could've just told me."

"Peggy was the one girl I loved and the last girl I loved." He sighed softly.

"But it's always been Bucky." She said, joking aside. "James Buchanan Barnes, soldier, science experiment and some hell of a lover…"

"What… I mean…" He was gabbling now, looking aghast.

"Either Stark made the walls in your room really thin or you're _really_ loud. I mean even Clint blushed… and I've made him listen to enough when he's been my scout on missions… well not as much as you two clearly!"

"Tasha… how … does everyone know?" Steve asked suddenly.

"Tony has bets on when you two will admit you're a couple to everyone else. He thinks you're too prim and he's got another two weeks, I lost like a month ago, Sam's on for another week or so, Pepper's tomorrow, Thor can't work out why we're betting on this, Clint's tomorrow as well actually, Bruce thinks we're cruel, Maria thinks next week, mmm I think that's it." Tasha's brow furrows and she nods.

"Everyone knows…"

"Everyone has always known… ever since you didn't stop looking at him like a little lost puppy when he decided to go straight." She smiled softly. "Take the leap Steve, sometimes they're worth it. Besides the Russians make the best lovers." She smirks.

"He's American." He reminds her.

"Russian trained though." She winks and sashays out of the door. "We got our hip movement down to a fine art!" She calls back to him before the door snicks shut.

 _S.R_

"Hey Capsicle, oh and Popeye's behind you!" Tony welcomes them to breakfast. But before anyone can get another word in edgeways, Steve spins Bucky in his arms and kisses him hard on the lips.

Nothing more is said as the pair nonchalantly sit down to breakfast.

"Pass me the waffles please." Steve asks Clint who just manages to shake himself out of his stunned trance.

"What was that?" Tony suddenly asks, pointing his fork at the pair.

"What was what?" Bucky asks, helping himself to Greek yoghurt and blueberries.

"I'm pretty sure that's Clint and Pepper winning the pool money." Natasha grins before taking a big bite out of her toast.

"Yes, pay up Iron Butt." Hawkeye crows while Pepper pats Steve on the shoulder and tells him how lovely it is he found someone and she could bet that he was less annoying that sharing the bed with Tony.

"I will take you up on that bet Miss Potts." Tony jumped in.

"Hand over the money Anthony Edward Stark and don't pout it doesn't suit you." Pepper taps away at her iPhone with one hand while the other is held out waiting for her winnings.

"Damn you Potts." He grumbles and turns back to the fridge for the bacon.


	5. Kiss the Boo Boo

A/N: For Keara Park. I hope this lives up to your expectations!

It's not super naughty, but it's a T rated teaser! Clintasha

* * *

"Stop moving." Clint grumbles as he tries to bandage up her left side.

"I'm not, you are." Tasha huffs, arms raised in the air while he packs gauze around her ribs.

"No Tasha you are. Seriously woman. Stop it." Clint sticks out his tongue when he's concentrating around her. Strike that; when he's concentrating on her, he sticks out his tongue. Never when he's doing his job but when he's attending to Nat, there's that little tongue like a cat she'd seen on the internet.

She holds back her smile and remains frozen until he's finished taping her down.

"There. Now would you mind not getting hit with any sort of projectile for the next month or so?" He raises one eyebrow before turning back to pack away the unused medical stuff.

"Seems unlikely." She stripped her cat suit down her hips further, leaving the material dangling around her hips.

"I'll get Fury to bench you otherwise." Hawkeye listens to her sputter as he stows the kit away again.

"You wouldn't dare." Her eyes were twinkling while she stood nose to nose with him.

"Says who?" He grinned back at her, his hands slipping around her waist. Careful of her ribs, his thumb strokes the curve of her hip bone as her arms linked around his neck.

"Says me." She kisses him suddenly and he's startled at first but he kisses her back. His grip tightens on her hips and she moans into his mouth quietly. Her body presses flush to his and she breaks the kiss to pepper bites down his throat.

"Tasha." A throat groan of her name has her pushing him back towards his cot. She sashays back to the door and locks it quickly before practically launching herself at Clint. Landing astride him, one sure hand on his shoulder presses him back against the fabric. "Tasha." He grunts as she shifts while atop him, pressing on a very sensitive part of his body. Her wicked grin tells him she's doing it on purpose. In response he flicks his hips up, almost unseating her but pulling a gasp from her.

He wasn't going to let her have control.

He flipped her, delicately of course (he was still aware of her newly damaged ribs) and pinned her wrists in each of his hands. Her legs tightened around his hips as he leant closer to her, a kiss pressed to her clavicle then to her breast, still bared from where he'd been taping her back together.

"Can I help you Mr Barton?" He can hear the smirk in her voice, listens to gasp and moan when he bites a nipple before trailing small kisses up her neck again.

"Behave yourself Romanov. I'm in charge tonight." He kisses her fiercely before rearing back and stripping her further.

When Hill walked past, searching out Fury's two best regulars, she did note that Medical Room 424 was closed off and locked up. Eh Barton and Romanov would appear later.


	6. Bundle of Joy

A/N: I broke my block! Woo!

Have a little warm moment of Laura and Natasha's friendship - after all women band together during pregnancy!

Age of Ultron compliant.

* * *

"I am sick of being pregnant!" Laura whined, feet up on the sofa, rubbing her stomach in soft circles.

"Budge up." Tasha plonked herself next to Mrs Barton, moving the other woman's feet and resting them on her lap.

"Hey! My sofa!" She moaned.

"Well Cooper's upstairs with Clint and they're playing tractors so I'm sent to babysit you." She grins and hands Laura a bottle of water who scoffs.

"I'm over being pregnant, I'm not doing it again. Seriously, it's hard enough with a toddler without Clint. I'm going to be outnumbered soon when you guys are away." She sighs and goes to move.

"Hey, don't budge. I know being flat on your back is the most comfortable position for you currently."

"Being flat on my back got me into this mess in the first place!" Laura laughed as Tasha did. "I've got to run a farm with a toddler _and_ a baby this time."

"Let SHIELD get you some help please!" Tasha had offered this before but Laura had refused, saying stubbornly she didn't need a babysitter. Now though she was deliberating. "Oh let me, I'll sort it, it'll be an ordinary farm hand, we're not going to send you a recruit but I'll sort it." She patted the other woman's calf with a grin.

"I'll feel a burden." She grumbled.

"Shut up. Now when's this little Madam due?" She reached up to pat a hand on Laura's hard stomach.

"Three days ago." Laura sighed dramatically. "I'm over waiting on this one." She paused for a moment then looked at the coffee table. "Can you get me the biscuits, I'm done with rolling to get off this sofa!" She pleaded.

\N.R/

"Clint, what's wrong?" Tasha had just dropped off in the spare room when Clint came running in, his face white as a sheet. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table, half eleven in the evening.

"It's Laura… I… Ah… BABY!" He cried out and Tasha leapt into action.

"Jesu, it's always a drama in this house. Wake Cooper, he's going to have to come with us." She was out of the door, tugging a dressing gown on.

"Ahh! This hurts!" Laura was out of bed and halfway to the door when Tasha got to her.

"Bag?"

"Foot of the wardrobe." She gasped and started to walk slowly down the stairs as Tasha rushed in for the pre-packed bag and back out again.

"CLINT GET IN THE CAR!" Tasha hollered as he came running out with a sleepy eyed Cooper. "Hey beautiful, Mommy's going to have the baby, but you and I are going with so Daddy doesn't go crazy." She cooed. "You ready to be a big brother little one?" She was still herding Laura out of the door, toeing on trainers while grabbing a pair of galoshes by the door for Cooper who pulled them with his eyes half closed.

"Mommy's having the baby?" He asked, yawning.

"Yes she is champ, Daddy's getting her in the car so I need to get you buckled in." She smiled and hoisted him into her arms. "I'm going to drive so daddy can be in the back with mommy okay?"

"Okay."

"You got teddy?" She smiled as he waved the floppy eared creature back at her. She gave him that bear, and she was proud that the tatty little teddy was his favourite. "Okay champ, we've got this let's go!"

She locked the house, while balancing Cooper on one hip and having the baby bag slung over her other shoulder.

She had him strapped in to the complicated car seat in seconds, a feat Hawkeye could never manage and was soon revving the engine of the car, tearing out of the driveway, listening to Hawkeye soothing his wife and noting the panic in his voice.

\N.R/

"She's gorgeous." Tasha cooed the next day. It had been a long labour and Laura's dad had taken Cooper home – it had been a little stressful but Tasha had kept him well distracted while Clint looked after Laura. Now though, 17 hours later and still going strong Tasha was cuddled up with her new goddaughter and loving the little bundle in her arms.

"She is indeed." Clint had the proud air every Father had and for one brief moment Tasha's heart ached beyond belief. She'd never have this moment; this was the closest she got to motherhood. But she pushed back the heartache, as always, and smiled down at the new tiny bundle.

"Lila Amelia." Laura smiled softly, even 13 hours of pregnancy hadn't dulled that perception - she knew what Tasha wanted, when the red in her leger was gone and she had a freedom again.

"After your mothers." Tasha rocked little Lila as she started whimper and snuffle. "I best be the next name." She turned back to wink at the pair, mask firmly in place. Tasha handed back the small nest of blankets back to the doting parents. "I'm going to head back to Fury, he's gotta have the better half of the pair back." She grinned and leant forward to hug Laura, position awkward with the hospital bed rails in the way. "I'll send your present back when I get the chance! I'm going to head back and say bye to Cooper, pick up my stuff so you can enjoy having a new-born again!"

\N.R/

"Did she need to be so extravagant?" Laura asked as they walked back in the door to discover a new crib for little Amelia, a new baby wardrobe for her miniature clothes and on the top, a small white rabbit with a ribbon around its neck.

"She just likes to spoil them, what else are Godmothers for?" He pressed a kiss to forehead and grunted as Cooper hurled himself at the pair in order to get a better look at his new baby sister.


	7. Oh I Wanna Dance with Somebody

A/N: So SpiritFeather19524 asked for Steve/Tasha pairings. Ta da!

It's short but I hope it matches your expectations!

* * *

"Oh I wanna dance with somebody." Natasha sung as she danced around the communal floor of the Avengers tower. "With somebody who loves me." She sang as Steve walked in, as she started as sashay towards. "Ohh I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat with somebody." She put his hands on her waist, and hers on his and moved his hips as she moved hers, still singing.

"Tasha what are you doing?" Steve could feel the tell-tale blush creeping up his neck

"Don't you wanna dance with me baby, don't you dance with me boy." Her answer was sung back to him as she made him move across the floor, it was amazing how much sway one small woman had over Captain America. So he moved with her, his movements awkward in comparison to Tasha's trained body.

Her hands slid up his neck and her hips moved closer. She was still singing the words of the song, one Sam hadn't introduced him to, and Steve, for that moment was lost in the feel of Natasha pressed up against him.

"I wanna dance with somebody who loves me." She drew out the last word and the pair had locked eyes with one another, ignoring anyone that may be watching. "Somebody who loves me, somebody who somebody who, to hold me in his arms. Oh I need a man who'll take a chance on a love that's hot enough to last." She was almost murmuring the words now, drawn further into his arms, the pair hardly dancing anymore, instead locked in a heated embrace.

"With somebody who loves you?" He whispers and she nods slightly. He smiles and bends his head to press his lips to her, arms tightening around her waist. The kiss was cut short as there was an outburst of applause, whistles and catcalls. The pair turn to glare at their teammates, assembled by the door, with the biggest grins spread across their faces. Clint's giving Nat the thumbs up and Bucky comes over to clap him on the shoulder.

"Knew you'd get there eventually jerk."


	8. It Must Have Been Love

A/N: Heh two song fics... oops! Well it's kind of a song fic. Yeah I can't deny it, it is. Enjoy!

* * *

It was lonely in SHIELD lodgings. Her life had been blown apart and roughly hewn back together with the worst stitches she could imagine. But after the fall out of SHIELD/HYDRA, one man had made her feel a little more comfortable.

Now he'd left her.

The ache in her chest was unreal, he'd abandoned her to do what… protect her? She didn't need protecting.

That was a lie.

She needed protecting but only _by_ him, not _from_ him.

She stared up at the grey ceiling and blew the air from her cheeks. Scooping her phone from the bedside table the little white digits glaringly told her that it was 2am and she still wasn't asleep.

Instead she was running in frustrated circles about Bruce Banner.

Bloody Banner.

It had been okay when she was flirting but everything changed. There had been a point when Tasha was used to change, she practically fed off the new aliases, the multiple kills, the chameleon lifestyle that she lived but now when she had found Bruce, she'd seen a chance of normality.

He'd offered her the chance to run away and while she didn't regret saving the world or saving the city, she did regret that her harsh actions seemed to have dictated his leaving.

Pulling herself out of bed she flicked her radio to life and groaned at the song that was announced by the late night DJ

 _Lay a whisper on my pillow. Leave the winter on the ground. I wake up lonely, there's air of silence in the bedroom all around._

"Fuck." She cursed out loud and hurled a cup at the wall, a small satisfaction hearing it shatter.

 _It must have been love but it's over now. It was all that I wanted now I'm living without._

Snarling at the radio Tasha left the room and ran down to the training room.

Now though the lyrics were caught in her head; it was coupled with his face - Banner's own blurring with the Hulk in her head as she smacked the first punch bag she came across.

 _From the moment we touched, 'til the time had run out. It must have been love but it's over now it was all that I wanted now I'm living without._

Beating the shit out of the bags didn't help, picking up two blades didn't help as she scored open at least a dozen of the heavy sandbags. Instead the lyrics circled her mind as did her moments with Bruce. Her mind ran through all of her feelings for him; from fear, when he shouted at her as she recruited him and again when he changed and almost tore apart the helicarrier from the inside. Then it had changed to respect – he came back to face his mistakes, to be a part of the team. Then somewhere along the line they had switched from colleagues to friends, and it was in that midst of laughs and lunches that she realised she had feelings for Bruce Banner. It was daunting. Terrifying in fact, something she never admitted, not even to Laura Barton (though she had come close) and never to Clint, he'd have worried like a mother hen.

Then she had envisioned a life with him… a life where she was retired. That had never featured in her head before, she'd always presumed she'd die in service but she's wanted that little slice of a daydream, one when she'd come home and curl up with Banner.

Instead, she was alone.

Alone and surrounded by sand. She didn't realise the extent of her damage as she leant against the bag tears softly slipping down her cheeks.

 _Make believing that we're together, that I'm sheltered by your heart._

Natasha didn't do make believe, life had taught her harsh realities and spared no time for day dreams.

So she'd put away any romantic based thoughts of Doctor Bruce Banner and turned back to the mess of a gym.

Fuck it, one of the recruits could clean up. God knows how many hours she spent cleaning up after the senior agents when Barton first recruited her. She strode from the gym back to her own bunk and sighed at the new tune on the radio.

"You're damn right Whitney, love can be deceiving." Tasha flipped the switch and got back into her messy bed. She had the Avengers to worry about, sod Banner. Work came first when the guy did a runner.

She tried to convince herself of this and managed to fall into a restless sleep with a little determination.

But she dreamt of Bruce.


	9. Mistletoe

A/N: Merry Christmas!

Edit: So this went up in December 2015, it is now February 2018, and upon reflection I realised this chapter is incorrect, because there is a Norse tradition to do with Mistletoe. Please see this slightly better edited version, because Thor is not the stupid puppy 2015 me thought he was, he is so so much more.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Mistletoe what is mistletoe?" Thor stared down at the unflinching brunette before him, confusion creasing his brow.

"It is a reason to kiss Jane," Darcy had little patience, but she did like to see her boss happy and Thor made her happy. She'd been looking stressed recently with a couple of lectures and important journal pieces needed, Jane had been more than a little frazzled and Darcy didn't like frazzled Jane. Darcy didn't need much imagination to work out why Thor made Jane happy but the private little scientist wasn't keen on public kisses. Which Darcy couldn't fathom because if she could call Thor hers, she'd be flaunting his fine Nordic ass up and down the country.

"I kiss Jane anyway?" He frowns and Darcy lets out a small huff of breath.

"This is a reason to kiss her again."

"But I will kiss her when she walks in the door."

"Look you stubborn mule, it's Christmassy to kiss under the mistletoe." Darcy smacked his arm, much to her chagrin, feeling the pain tingle up her elbow.

"Oh Christmas." His confusion clearing, "I like Christmas. I shall kiss Jane under the mistletoe." He beamed and strode off, leaving Darcy chuckling.

~ Thor ~

"Thor what are you?" Jane's next words were cut off after her beau had pulled her upright, mid conversation with Helen Cho and kissed her hard. At first she melted into the kiss and then she flushed with embarrassment and pulled out his embrace. "THOR!" She scolded, cheeks bright red.

"What, I am kissing you under the mistletoe, I have been informed this is Christmassy." He smiled and Jane felt a mire of emotion – embarrassment, heat, and mirth mixed inside of her at his statement.

"Darling there's no mistletoe." She looked up and he frowned.

"What is mistletoe?"

"It's a specific plant, go and ask Darcy, I need to finish my notes with Helen for the journal." She patted his arm gently and watched with a small smile as he vanished calling Darcy's name.

~Thor~

"No no…" Jane's words were cut off again as the blond lifted her into his arms and kissed her once more.

"Now I have kissed you under the mistletoe." His pride makes her look up at the small holly sprig he held in his hands.

"No baby, that's holly, Christmassy but not mistletoe." She whispers and kisses him again, despite the audience building in the kitchen.

"Okay wait, I think I've got this." He puts her down and grabs at the bag he'd dumped on the counter when he came in. Pulling out another item he held it above her head and kissed Jane again, through her giggles as she'd already spied the item in his hand.

"Thor, that's a pinecone." She giggles, hands resting against his chest, a fond smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

"One moment I know I have mistletoe in here." He rummaged back through the bag and discovered an acorn, a conker, a poinsettia, all of which he kissed her under. Jane was getting more and more delirious with every bone melting kiss. Much to the amusement of the Avengers who had settled at the edges of the room watching the hilarity unfold.

Finally pulled out a piece of mistletoe, which Jane nodded at and there was rapturous applause when the pair kissed, much to Darcy's delight as her boss and friend flushed like a tomato.

"You set this up didn't you?" Hawkeye had bent down to whisper in Darcy's ear and the young woman looked up to his smile.

"She's too uptight, Thor helps her unwind…" She smirked back. "Besides, mistletoe is a beautiful excuse to kiss." She grinned.

~ Thor ~

"I have questions." It was just Tasha and Thor sat in the kitchen this early in the morning. Some were training (Steve), some were sleeping (Darcy), and some were working (Jane).

"Like?"

"You know what mistletoe is." Natasha raises her eyebrow. "I've read the legends."

"The legends that have been passed down through Midgard, and the reality of my people can blur a little bit." Thor shrugged. "But yes, mistletoe is indeed known in Asgard."

"In what capacity, if not the legend us mortals are taught?" She propped herself up on the breakfast bar, intrigued by the mix of Asgardian and Midgardian.

"It is thought to have helped fertility, as it was an evergreen that survived the depths of winter. From there, the idea of it snowballed and it changed from helping families, to helping find families, to the kiss that it has become today. Naturally I'm shortening a thousand years worth of history, but the essence is there." Thor shrugs and Natasha smiles.

"So all, that you did for Jane, the pinecone, and acorn, and roses?" Natasha gestures slightly.

"Was to amuse Miss Darcy, and to ensure I could kiss Jane, again and again." He beams and she laughs back.

"You know, regardless of your nicknames like Pointbreak, there's a huge old brain rattling in that skull of yours." Tasha nods and Thor grins back at her.

"Let's keep it a secret for now, I am quite happy Darcy buying me cookies, and biscuits, and making me flapjacks in return for trivial favours." He raises his coffee mug to the super spy, who salutes her own back. "Merry Christmas Miss Romanoff."


	10. Powdered Snow

A?N: Nothing says Christmas like a drug cartel!

But have some festive Tasha! Merry Christmas!

* * *

"You are kidding, this is not necessary." Tasha hissed as she tugged down the hem of her skirt and glared at Clint who was holding back a smile.

"This is the best cover we can think of." He handed her the garish red and green tights, laughing fullly when she looked at them in horror.

"I am not the elf kind!" She snarled, yanking them out of his hand and going to put the tights on.

"You have to be, deal with it." He was snorting now as when she straightened he tugged the elf hat on her head, flicking the pointy ears attached to the side.

"You are a dead man walking." She growled, mollified slightly when he kissed her on the nose.

"You are adorable!" He proclaimed, ruining any possible chance of placating her gone with his crowing voice. "But in all seriousness Nat, you know what you're looking for?"

"An Eastern European gang smuggling cocaine in with their grottos, take a sample of the powdered snow."

"Exactly, and don't scare the kids." Clint snorted before opening the door to the main grotto in the local mall. He checked the coast was clear before Tasha slipped out of the door, straightening the hat as she went. He could envision her grimace as the bell on the tip jingled before he closed the door and started to watch on the screens.

" _Okay Tash, Cap and Stark are in the Thronton mall and oh my god, Cap rocks the elf outfit!"_ Clint's giggle in her earpiece almost made her smile but as she reached the entrance to the grotto the store manager directed her to her worst nightmare – leading children in.

"Thank God, Sandy's throwing a fit after one kid kicked her in the shin so you've gotta take over." The manager practically propelled her to the door of the grotto. "Just take their name, tell Santa and lead them out again after." The manager quickly abandoned her afterwards as Tasha heard Clint's voice buzz again.

" _Well that's going to make things a bit harder."_ He said drily and Tasha had to hold back a cuss word. There were little ears near her. _"Okay Tasha, you got this, just smile, not to a mark but how you do to … oh how you did to Buddy."_ Clint's advice was not helpful; who was Buddy?! _"Remember Buddy, the dog you saved in Budapest."_ Oh okay. Got it.

Pasting a smile on her face she took the first little boy's hand and opened the door to the grotto.

/.N.R.\

So the investigation was going nowhere but Tasha was almost enjoying herself.

No enjoying herself was the wrong word but it was interesting to see the American Christmas Craze up close.

Some of the kids were adorable, their expressions lit up when they saw Santa, and they ran up to hug the old man's knees. An old man who was bearing up rather well after what must have been his hundredth Christmas list read out to him. Some of them were naturally bratty and Tasha handed out smaller presents to the whiny ones, the ones who demanded to see Santa first.

But the worst part of this job were the parents. Oh if Tasha could, she'd strangle half of them. They were beyond obnoxious, their tempers shortened by having to queue. But they didn't have to treat her like hell – if one more Dad joked about jingling her bell she was going to punch them, and if any other Mothers' decided they were going to give her 'the stink eye' she was going to tear their hair out by their peroxide roots. Clint had not helped matters **at all.** He was a nuisance in her ear, laughing away or gabbling comments that made her want to hurl a plastic candy cane at the security cameras.

"Scuse me." A small voice had grabbed at her sleeve. A tiny child was staring up at her with the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. Thankfully Sandy had taken over leading in duty, an icepack strapped to her tights but a cheery smile plastered across her face.

"Santa's not ready yet." Tasha added a smile to her rather curt sentence, hoping it would both soften and pacify the curious creature.

"No I know but I want to know something." The little girl was whispering and when Tasha raised an eyebrow the little girl waved her down. Holding in a sigh, Tasha knelt down beside the child who was with her grandmother and tucked her hair behind her ear. When the child was sure she had the elf's attention she whispered. "Which is the real Santa? Daddy took me to see Santa yesterday in Thronton and my cousin said Santa's in Thronton today so is this not the real Santa?" She said all very fast, looking over her shoulder in case the child behind her overheard.

Tasha's heart did a funny little flip as she stared at this entirely innocent child. A child who had a home that Tasha didn't have as a child; a little girl who's worries extended to who was the real Santa and Tasha had a sudden urge to protect this child from the cruelty of the world that lay outside the grotto door.

"Well sweetie, what's your name?"

"Lisbeth." The little girl still had worry etched across her features.

"Okay Elizabeth, I'm going to let you in on an elf secret and you have to keep it a secret… promise?" Tasha whispered back, ignoring the Grandmother's smile at her indulging the little one.

"Pinky promise." Elizabeth held out her pinky which Tasha accepted after a moment's confusion.

"Okay, Santa uses a little magic to transform his head elves into copies of himself for each of the malls. So there's always someone from the North Pole listening to your Christmas Wish." She winked and the little girl beamed and shuffled forward in the line.

"I'll keep the secret." She wrapped her arms around herself as if holding the secret in herself and Tasha felt a grin etch across her face.

"Good o, enjoy seeing Santa!" She waved as the Manager came in with her replacement.

/.N.R.\

"That was cute Tash." Clint was waiting outside the door as she tugged her hat off. But before she could say anything a wail cut across her.

"You're not a real elf!?" A little boy was staring up her, almost heartbroken.

"Hey sweetie, I am a real elf." Tasha soothed instantly, kneeling down again.

"But your ears have come off." He cried, ignoring his parents trying to pull him away.

"No cutie, I'm an elf spy – Santa needs me to make sure the nice kids aren't naughty and they'll be extra nice if they see me dressed as an elf!" She gabbled and the little boy looks at her teary eyed but frowning slightly.

"I suppose that makes sense." He hedges and Tasha smiles.

"But because I know you've been a good boy and you're on Santa's nice list you'll be able to keep my secret?" She whispers and places a finger over her lips. The little boy giggles and copies her with a 'shhh' sound.

"Okay nice elf lady. Merry Christmas." He waves as he takes his father's hand and wanders back into the throng of the mall.

"Merry Christmas." Tasha says quietly, waving back to the small child.

"Now that was just impressive." Clint looks shellshocked but allows Tasha to vanish into the small room with her test tube of powdered snow. But before the results are even back, Hill buzzes in to say that Tony and Cap have positive results for coke snow and the pair need back up.

/.N.R.\

"Well aren't you just the most adorable little elf I've ever seen." Stark grins as Clint produces a photo of elfed up Tasha. The four are back in the Tower, patching wounds and congratulating themselves on a job well done.

"Where did you get that?" She glares at her partner who fights not to cringe under her gaze.

"It's okay, I've got one of Cap." Tony leans forward and takes a paper of a stack in front of her. A glossy photo of an awkward Steve shines back at her and she leans between the pair sat on the sofa.

"If you print any of me, I will reveal what you did on your 21st birthday Anthony Stark _and_ Clint Barton, I will release that photo of you in a reindeer … outfit." Her threat is heeded and both men eye one another before nodding their acquiescence. "Good choice." She murmurs and she stalks out again, leaving the ghastly red and green tights in a heap on the floor, ditto with the elf costume but the hat she keeps, slinging it over one of her bed posts. The others think it's to remind her of the god awful outfit she endured but in reality, it's for the two little kids that she met while masquerading as an elf.


	11. Artistic Differences

A/N: For RussianAssassin, this is so much longer than I was originally planning but I hope this works for you!

Prompt: Can you do a Stucky AU where Steve is a painter and Bucky is a dancer and they love each other's work and meet at an art gallery or something?

Enjoy!

* * *

He had just the right movements, he held himself so well. Bucky could barely keep his eyes from the lithe form in front of him. Solid, a ballet dancer that was entirely muscle and it made Bucky's head reel.

He always snuck in to the theatres during rehearsals, whilst the managers minded, most of the dancers adored him being there, they'd try and spot themselves in the works that would appear as a consequence. But before this man wandered onto the stage Bucky Barnes had focused entirely on the female form. But now, he want entranced by the muscles that corded and flexed as he picked up dancer after dancer.

Images flowed through Bucky's head so fast he could barely catch them to sketch them on the pad. But his fingers moved with amazing speed to capture the movement of the stranger, pinning his form on the page of his battered sketch pad.

He heard the doors bang and Bucky quickly slipped out of the side exit he so regularly used at this theatre – this manager had a particular hatred for Bucky and his artistic talents. So maybe Bucky had portrayed him once with an exaggerated portliness and bad temper but what could he say – some men were made to be caricatures.

For the next few days Bucky worked himself into a frenzy, painting his latest model, cursing when he felt it didn't match the reality. He despaired at his work until he dragged himself upright, cleaned himself up and put on the smartest clothes he owned. He walked into the foyer of the theatre, smirking and the manager who stormed towards him, but Bucky waved a legit ticket at him and made his way to the stalls.

He'd decided to refresh his memory, to see the man again, the man who had imprinted himself into his mind – he had to see the dancer whose name he didn't know. Well until he saw his name upon the bill, Steve Rogers. Another facet, another brush stroke to the mental canvas, another light to the shrine Bucky was starting to build in his head.

In all honesty, Bucky did not remember the faces of the other dancers, or even the story the ballet was portraying, instead he saw Steve Rogers and solely Steve Rogers. He was cataloguing the other man's every movement, he was memorising every turn of his body, down to the placement of his foot and his steady hands.

It was his obsession with this man that pushed Bucky into sneaking in the side entrance after the show had finished. He was waving and chattering mindlessly to the girls who were used to his face, every inch the charmer as he was led through corridors, girls asking for more portraits again, did he need them to model in his studio, the usual flirtation.

"Oh Buck, you haven't met our latest star!" A fiery redhead named Tasha chirruped next to him, grabbing his arm and tugging him through a doorway. "Buck, I am pleased to introduce Steve Rogers, our headliner. Steve, this is Buck, the guy who painted my portrait I showed you." Tasha smiled at the pair until she was called away by a friend. "Don't get caught Buck, Maraner's out for your blood after he saw you in the foyer earlier!" She vanished, shutting the door behind her.

"Hey." Bucky had never been this nervous before. He could melt a woman with a smile and a teasing touch, he could charm gentleman out of their money without a hesitation; what was it about Steve Rogers that made him so nervous!?

"Good evening… Buck?"

"Hey Rogers, get out here, the press want to see you!" Maraner's voice came through the door before Bucky could say anything more and Steve quickly left, sure to shield Bucky's form with the door as he went to greet the theatre's manager.

B.B

Bucky could always see room for improvement in his work. Even now as he gazed at the canvas' in the gallery, he could see an incorrect brush stroke hastily covered, too dark a pigment lightened in a botched fashion, there was always an odd angle and he scowled, wanting to rip them from the wall and take them back to his studio with them, to fix them properly. Only his latest piece wasn't ready, Bucky feared it'd never be ready.

He was pulled from his cloudy thoughts by a deep voice.

"They're beautiful aren't they?" The voice was warm and Bucky was startled to see his tormentor stood next to him. He kept his head turned, his hood up, not to engage in small talk about the girls' of the theatre, he'd stand there silently and admire the side view of this infuriating dancer.

"The artist is amazing, Barnes I believe his name is. He'll paint the lowliest dancer in the chorus and the headliner in equal fashion, though I've heard he's not done anything new in a while. Not even a watercolour of the river, they're my favourites I think. I have looked for a miniature to take back with me, I'd like one of Brooklyn's skyline but…"

"But?"

"But I just feel rude for asking." Steve shrugged before laughing. "It's what artists need to live, commissions but I don't know mine just feels so small, hardly worth his money. Do you have the time?"

"'I've got half one…" Bucky goes to say more but is stopped when Steve suddenly moves.

"Hell, I'm late for rehearsals! Sorry for chewing your ear off! Have a great day!" The dancer vanishes from sight and Bucky sighs, almost defeated until one little hope springs up.

S.R

Another show finished and Steve's wiping the sweat from his neck with a towel he'd snagged earlier.

When he closes the door he sees the small parcel bound in brown paper on his dressing table. Undoing the string cautiously what he sees makes his heart stop. Nestled in a battered cardboard box is a small canvas miniature of Brooklyn's skyline. What? But…

Thoughts whirled in his head as the sudden realisation came crashing in, the realisation that he'd mooned about the artist Barnes to Barnes himself. He flushed red at the thought, the memory of his adoring conversation. Great. He'd made a fool of himself in front of his favourite artist.

Placing the framed canvas back on the table a small note caught his eye, an address that made Steve's heart flip in his chest.

B.B

The knock on the door was something he'd been expecting for the last three days but it had never come and Bucky had wallowed in despair. A mood mirrored by his vicious use of blacks, greys and blues on the works surrounding him.

He was sullen when he opened the door, expecting Tasha to come and worry over him so he was momentarily stunned when a full shadow blocked out of his door.

"Hey, sorry." Steve looked awkward and Bucky was gaping like some mad sort of fish. "Hey! You're the guy from the theatre!"

"That's me, James Buchanan Barnes. Why don't you come in?" Bucky only had basic use of his mental faculties right now and with a hesitation, Steve crossed the threshold and immediately became interested in the art dotted around the small flat.

"These are amazing." Steve's start at a conversation wasn't a bad one, and quickly the pair pushed through the ice that came with new friendships. By the end of the evening Steve and Buck were sprawled on the sofa chattering mindlessly about the latest news, theatre and sports.

This pattern of friendship continued for the next few weeks, Steve bringing takeaway on his way over and the pair would usually end up sitting in comfortable silence.

"Jerk, you have any beer?" Steve stood and stretched, missing Bucky's enraptured look as he clicked his back.

"Yeah muscleman in the kitchen." Bucky said, still distracted, missing Steve moving a few pictures out of the way. When his new friend didn't return with the beer, Bucky followed the man in question to the kitchen. He saw Steve sat at his tiny table, flicking through a battered sketch book. He lingered on pages Bucky recognised – his fast drawings of Steve the first time he saw him.

"These are me?" Steve looked up at Bucky's arrival and for a moment Bucky's heart dropped through his stomach until Steve smiled. "I think you make me taller than I am." He shrugs, tossing a beer in Bucky's general direction, hoping the artist can catch.

"I like the way you dance." Bucky says, still feeling as though he's on thin ice. "You have a good form to paint, your actions are clear cut and defined. There's nothing loose, everything is hard." Bucky feels as though he's babbling.

"You're nicer to me than the choreographer. He's a weasel." Steve stands once more and bumps Bucky's shoulder with his. "I like the way you paint. Even in your miniatures you throw a little of your soul in your work – even when you barely know your subject… you give your work your character."

"You're nicer to me than most critics." Bucky smirks and the pair lapse back into their comfort zones.

But maybe they'd reached a new comfort zone, Bucky muses as Steve crashes on his sofa for the first time that night and ends up drooling on his shoulder. Bucky felt a new comfort welling in his stomach as Steve muttered in his sleep and made himself a little comfier on Bucky's body.

Muscleman was perfect even in these sort of moments as well and he'd treasure these images of Steve asleep open mouthed, head resting against his chest now… he'd paint them later.


	12. Lazy Days

A/N: It's an odd one but honestly, the idea of their friendship came to me... This is ignoring his wife exists which is still a bit of a twist that I am unwilling to cope with! But Barton and Hill always seem to be seconds to their closest partners and a friendship (in my head at least) seems plausible!

Anyway. Rambling aside...Enjoy!

* * *

Maria Hill was having a well-deserved comfy day. She could battle robots and look elegant as well as the next woman but there was only so much she could take.

Today was the day she was going to lock herself in her apartment and not see anyone. A simple text to Fury not to bother her unless he wanted his other eye damaged stopped any work enquiries, Maria was ready to curl. She'd ignored Clint's text about having lunch, which made her feel minutely guilty but Hawkeye would cope.

Bunching her duvet on the sofa, she soon created something akin to a fort, or a nest with all the pillows she could find around her, and blankets to soften any table corners that she may inadvertently roll into. She had drink within easy reach, and a selection of crappy food spread out in front of her… though she had conceded that some of her food would have to be in the fridge until she was ready to munch on it. The phone was nearby with her favourite pizza joint's number on speed dial and a Chinese takeout leaflet was prepared for dinner.

She had a range of boxsets to plough her way through, including Game of Thrones, Once Upon a Time, Parks and Recreation and that was without the movies she had also thrown by her DVD player. Just in case there was a stack of trashy books down the side of her sofa in case she got bored of the comedy and wanted something smushy to read.

She was prepared and more than willing to accept the mission before her. So as she launched herself over the back of the sofa to settle in her pillow palace, she clicked the TV to show Storybrooke and settled in for four hours of fairy tale adventures.

Lunch time saw her reaching for the phone and picking up Seducing an Heiress instead, to give her brain a bit of a break from the TV.

She happily munched her away through a Meat Feast while absorbed into the plight of Susannah Fairshore and her dashing Sea Captain, occasionally stretching a leg when it cramped and burping every so often. That was exactly how Hawkeye would find her, one leg draped over the back of the sofa to relieve the pins and needles, pizza rammed into her mouth as she flicked the pages of her next sappy book (A Lady in Need of a Captain).

"Agent Hill?" He coughed and smiled a little to see her flail, sending her pizza flying as she reached for the gun strapped under the coffee table. She aimed it at a defensive Clint who had held his hands in surrender.

"Seriously Barton, you scared the crap out of me." She grumped, lowering the gun before settling herself into a comfier position. She was suddenly aware he was viewing a personal side of her – Agent Hill was calm, collected and tidy. Maria Hill was more inclined to be messier and the havoc around her was certainly evidence to that. But then she was more concerned about her lunch - had her pizza landed face down, of course it had!

Growling to herself, she flipped the unfortunate pizza slice onto the board and moaned at the remaining meat pieces still across her wooden flooring. Hawkeye watched, slightly amused as she grabbed at the paper towels on the table beside her and swept the luckless pizza pieces back into the box before she stared up at him.

"Can I help you with something Barton?"

"Fury wanted you, something urgent, as always and I was sent to collect you." Clint grinned and came to sit next to her, propping his feet up on the table and nabbing a clean slice of pizza. "I think he filed something in the wrong place and wanted you to find it." His smile was massive, even as Maria punched him in the arm. The running joke between them was that Clint was Tasha's bitch and Maria was Fury's secretary and neither lost an opportunity to trade a few jabs.

"Gimme a break Clint." She grumbled but settled herself back into her nest, even if the great oaf of an archer was on half her duvet. "Relegate yourself to the armchair!" She pointed at the lone chair further away and sighed when he shook his head and made himself comfier.

"No way, this set up is nicer than having Tasha beat the shit out of me with some new weapon she's mastered, I'm good thanks." He grinned, grabbing the book she had dropped at his arrival. "Ohh A Lady in Need of a Captain…someone got a crush on Rogers?" He was still smirking as he flicked through the pages, before Maria launched herself at him. It was a brief fight, embarrassingly brief, Maria thought sourly as Clint was now kneeling on her back, her arms stuck under his shins while he continued to skim read.

"BARTON!" She all but screeched and she snarled when he ruffled her hair.

"This is filth Maria Hill… I'm impressed." He clambered off of her and gave her back the book. "I'd read it after you but there's too much love in those pages…" He wrinkled his nose at the declaration he'd read.

"You won't tell Fury…" She hedged and saw the mirth in his eyes.

"Nah, no fun in that… I'll bide my time." He winked and Maria glared at him before attacking him again.

"You are aware…" Maria sighed as the pair grappled on her sofa. "That if I hear one whisper…" They had landed on the floor, she atop him who didn't even look winded before he tried to flip them over to give him the advantage… "There will be a rumour that Tash dominates you and I'm talking in the bedroom, which we know is far more believable!" Maria smirked as Clint briefly slowed fighting as if contemplating her blackmail threat.

"You have a deal Hill _if_ you call for the Chinese, and then we watch Parks and Rec." Clint now kicked off his boots and wiggled his butt from side to side to get comfier. He smirked at her as she sighed and pulled herself over to one side of the sofa before draping her legs over his lap.

"After I've finished reading." She raised one eyebrow as if daring him to argue, smiling slightly as he snagged a different book on the table and settled down to read with her.

Tasha would probably find them a few hours later sat at either end of the tiny sofa with their legs vying for more space, passionately arguing about Steve and Danny's relationship in Hawaii Five-0. She'd probably leave them to it, wander back to her car and chuckle before driving back to work.


	13. Exercise

A/N: Okay so after all my super long ones that are fleshed out, I thought I'd do a short silly one shot. I'm not entirely sure about the ending, so please leave your thoughts.

Enjoy!

* * *

"I'm not racing you anymore." Sam puffed, flopping down on the grass next to a glowing Natasha. "I hate him." He wheezed and even Nat looked disgruntled as the floppy haired super solider carried on jogging past, blonde hair still perfectly in place.

"He's worse than Pietro." She gasped, clutching her chest and the silver and blue blur slowed enough for a cheeky wave before speeding up once more.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Sam wiped.

"Takeaway on the way home?" Tasha sat up and pushed sweaty locks from her eyes. "You feeling Thai? I'm feeling Thai." She hauled herself upright as Sam did and the pair vanished into the streets while the other two continued to run around the stretch of water.

It would be an hour later that Steve would come in with Pietro, the pair finally red faced and dishevelled, passionately arguing about who won. Because even though Pietro did more laps at a faster pace, Steve had the endurance to run for the same length. Their argument stalled when they spotted Tasha and Sam spread out on one of the long sofas in the Tower.

"When did you two bail?" Steve quizzed.

"Too long ago." Sam nodded before flicking his attention back to the TV.

"What a pair of wusses." Pietro scoffed, nudging Steve's shoulder with his own.

"Yeah poor form guys!" Steve shook his head.

"It's like they're not even committed." Pietro frowned and the two walked out still muttering about training programmes, speed, endurance and some other fitness jargon, much to the amusement of Tasha and Sam.

"How about we kick their butts in boxing tomorrow?" Tasha poked Sam with her foot before throwing popcorn at his head.

"Sounds perfect Romanov. Only you're taking on Steve." He lobbed a popped kernel, laughing when it got caught in her hair.

~N.R~

"Give?" She knelt on Pietro's back, his arms trapped beneath him as he wriggled in an attempt to escape. After another fruitless minute of struggling the blonde nodded and Tasha stood back up.

She high fived Sam as Steve nursed a new black eye while Pietro looked disgruntled at having been taken down despite his superior speed.

"Remember." Hawkeye came in to the state of the art training room in time to see Pietro tap out. "Tasha will always win."


	14. Popcorn

A/N: Cheeky little one shot.

Enjoy!

* * *

"What are you doing?" Tony Stark's voice cut across the living room, raising one eyebrow when two curious faces turned to him from their spot on the sofa.

"What?" Tasha turned back to Clint who picked another piece of popcorn from the bag.

"Ready?" He closed one eye and threw it in her direction, which she neatly caught with her mouth.

"Again. What are you doing?" Tony walked in as Clint lined up another shot.

"Go wide." Hawkeye said and Tasha leant right on automatic as the popcorn curved, straight into her open mouth. She grinned while crunching.

"Our record is 340 in a row." She smirked, watching Tony's expression change.

"Rhodey!" He all but ran from the sitting room, shouting for his friend, while simultaneously telling Friday to order as many bags of popcorn kernels as she could.

That's how Popcorn Night was created.

Steve and Bucky vs. Tasha and Clint vs. Tony and James. Wanda and Pietro had been banned due to their enhanced ability, and after it was noted that she was moving the others kernels out of line with that special little skill of hers.

Instead the twins, Bruce, Sam and Vision all placed bets on who was going to win each week. Thor had labelled it as another strange human custom, but had been delighted at the kernels popping under the intense heat. In fact he had been so thrilled with the 'magic' behind it that he used Mjolnir on one of the industrial sized bags of kernels Tony had ordered.

Pepper and Jane had come home from collecting Darcy from their airport to discover a sea of popcorn trickling down the stairs and after crunching their way into the sitting room their gaze settled on heads popping out of the popcorn dunes looking very uncomfortable.

Two weeks it had taken to get rid of the smell of butter and salt from the living room.

Tasha and Clint were still reigning champions.


	15. Daddy Drama

A/N: I have no reasons, this is cute little AU. Pappa Stark! (This has since been corrected for appalling mistakes made. I am sorry.)

Enjoy!

* * *

"Here's to hoping you're more like your mother than you are me, little one" Tony held his baby daughter's gaze. Her grip was latched around his index finger and she held him tightly as if to ensure he wasn't leaving while she was awake. Like he could even pretend he was going to tear himself away from the tiny bundle anyway. The small precious bundle that was more important to him than anything in the world.

He'd been half terrified half protective throughout Pepper's pregnancy – his mood swings had sent him spiralling between self-imposed solitary confinement in the lab for days on end, then jarringly, he was on non-stop Pepper watch. At about the four month mark, Pepper had ordered the Avengers to keep him away from her when he was on a Pepper binge, because she was going to stick her cellphone in an all-together different kind of socket. But that been during her pregnancy, while she was still running his company, though he had tried to make her take a break.

But now this tiny human being was on the planet and she was half him. It made him nauseous with worry; he was a hot bed of emotions, intellect and sass, someone who shared his genetic pool could only conjure the same right?

"Just be like your mom okay kid?" He smiled. "By that I mean, have her heart, kindness, compassion, love, smarts, rationality. Your mom is an amazing woman." Tony was now leaning against the crib, talking to the dark haired infant in a serious manner. "Don't be like me. You don't need to be hot headed, stubborn or arrogant. But I will make you a promise, I am going to be better than my old man. I hope." His last sentence tailed off quietly.

"You are a great father. You'll be better than your Dad." The voice startled Tony who span, instincts spurring him to protect his daughter. "Maria couldn't have had a better Dad." Clint Barton was propped against the door frame.

"How can you say that?" Tony relaxed physically, assured there was no threat, but his inner turmoil was still churning at the back of his mind.

 **"My** dad was an abusive alcoholic. But when you become a parent yourself, well you learn. There will be emergency situations no matter how many emergency plans you create... because kids will _never_ work to plans but as long as you're there to catch them it'll be fine." Clint smiled, stepping into the nursery. "Laura and I had to pick it up, you and Pepper will too, as every parent on the planet does - there's no guide that fully helps you understand how terrifying it is to hold something so small and fragile and the emotions you have to combat." Clint took a breath and rested his hand on Tony's shoulder, staring down at the tiny inquisitive baby.

"I've read almost every baby book there is you know." Tony said idly, as Maria started to drift off.

"You'll be fine _._ " Clint suddenly grinned. "One thing I do agree on, is hoping that she has Pepper's temperament, or her teenage years will be ... interesting!" Clint said softly as Tony blanched.

The two men looked down at the angelic little cherub before them, who innocently slept on, unaware of a possibly explosive future.


	16. Stable Foundations

A/N: **SPOILERS AHEAD** **(** **POSSIBLY)** **SPOILERS AHEAD** **(** **POSSIBLY)** **SPOILERS AHEAD** **(** **POSSIBLY)** **SPOILERS AHEAD** **(** **POSSIBLY)** **SPOILERS AHEAD** **(** **POSSIBLY)**

Okay now you have been warned that this is Civil War compliant. Well it is and it isn't. I came back from the cinema determined to write a cute, funny AU piece and this happened instead. It hasn't been beta'd so there may be mistakes etc in it (forgive me)

It is kind of cute, little more intense than I had planned, Stucky sort of shot.

Enjoy!

* * *

If there was one thing in life that Bucky was sure on, it was Steve Rogers. Steve would be there beside him for every hockey match, basketball, baseball and football game. He'd be there in the team's colours, with a foam hand and a giant drink. Even if they were sat on the couch at home.

It would be Steve who grappled with him in the dead of night when Hydra came back to haunt him.

It would be Steve who held back Tasha and Hawkeye when Bucky would go into full metal mode. Well that's what Tasha called it. She explained it as his arm ruling his head. Of course there had been a comment after, something along the lines of most men are normally ruled with an entirely different appendage. Steve had reliably gone a noticeable shade of red.

It was Steve that stopped Wanda from pinning him into place, though he did concede one night that it would be easier for her to hold him down. Bucky always had Steve Rogers. Even when Steve sacrificed absolutely everything for him, Bucky knew that Rogers would probably find something else to sacrifice if it meant saving him. It scared Bucky more than anything.

It was Steve who reminded him who he was; James Buchanan Barnes, the boy that spunked away him pocket money on impressing a girl. A boy who used the wrong kind of wax in his hair on his first date and ended up having it stuck like a rock for three days solid. The man-ling who comforted his best friend after the funeral of his mom Sarah; the man who went to war leaving a childhood at home, a childhood that ghosted through streets that no longer existed – a childhood with Steve.

He always ended up back at the war though.

Always ended up there with his metal arm and a kill list so long even the Joker would be proud.

But, even in that moment of grief and denial and self-hatred his mind offered peace in the form of the blonde haired blue eyed Captain America.

That man, that _hero_ was this villain's stable foundation, and that thought alone rocked Bucky's world.

It was Tasha who would find Bucky pacing his end of the compound, looking furtively out of the windows before rounding for another lap.

"I'm to tell you, you're wearing a track in the floor." She sighed, leaning against a breakfast bar as he continued to pace, barely acknowledging her. She hoisted herself up to sit on the work surface and watched him quietly as he continued walking. "Buck." She murmured and he slowed but did not stop. "Buck, listen to me." Finally she caught his eye, and her breath caught at the myriad of emotions that rested in his eyes alone. The rest of his face was entirely impassive, but his eyes, his eyes were alive and he was in pain. Was this what Clint saw when he hauled her arse back to SHIELD instead of her head on a platter? Did he see her fears? Because that's what she was seeing in James.

"You're staring." He grunts, his pacing has continued, his fingers twitching and curling into his palm every so often.

"It's one does." She shrugs but switches her gaze to the view outside the window. "James." Her voice is filled with quiet authority – she is not an ally, an enemy, a problem or a mark, instead her tone tries to belay what she is trying to do. Be a friend to James Barnes.

"Natasha." He has stopped again, his back to her and she sighs.

"I was coming in to make jokes, to pull your butt from this drivel." She lets out a breath and hops down from the counter. She approaches him quietly, standing to his side and not touching him. "But you do not need jokes. You need Steve." She murmurs and senses him freeze, even his breathing has momentarily stopped. "Steve needs you." She finishes simply and with one hand resting briefly on his upper arm, his human arm, she turns to leave him.

"That's dangerous." His voice is low, gravelly and she pauses.

"Everything we do is dangerous James, why would that change now?" He hears her leave, before closing his eyes and resting his head against the glass of the window. That was not the answer he was looking for. Was it?

"You don't have to overthink." He jumped, whirling on the spot arms out to defend himself but he deflated at the sight of Wanda before him.

"I thought you weren't allowed to look inside my head." He squints at her warily and she smiles.

"I didn't have to – you have the same look that my brother did when he was thinking. It was his concentration face, you are almost identical." She too walks to stand by him to look out of the window.

"Do you miss him?" Bucky has never been sure of the Maximoff girl – she was dangerous, with a lucid will and a hazy grasp on morals. Or so he had thought; he realised in the time he spent with her, that actually she had been scared. A kid thrust into an adult world because of war. It had happened to generations across the globe, he was not the first and she would not be the last. The pair of them would not be the last victims to offer a chunk of their personal humanity to try to save their homes. He had only realised her devotion to her twin brother after catching her staring at an old photo album. It had been dented, charred and held together with tape. It was cherished.

"Like a man misses a limb." She said with a wry smile and Bucky let out a bark of laughter. The tension creeping across his shoulders eased a little.

"You love him." She states simply and he gapes. "It was what Tasha was going to tell you but she was too afraid – she is too afraid of love, the man she loves is incredibly complicated. I am not entirely sure what love is yet, but you… you love Steve Rogers. With your heart and soul and that is what scares you the most." She cocks her head as Bucky remains resolutely silent. "Do not fear love, if it is built on solid foundations, it will hold." She nods and mindlessly he nods as well.

"But…" He turns to frown at her.

"You look like a love sick puppy during dinner. Don't do it again, it makes me feel ill." She lifts an eyebrow as she smiles and he reddens. He opens his mouth once more to gabble an answer and Wanda holds up her hand to stem any words that try to slip from his lips. "It's the twenty first century Mr Barnes. We all deserve a chance at happiness. Hasn't anything that's happened taught you that?"

"Happiness?" He has withdrawn again, confusion and embarrassment fading as her gaze becomes soft.

"It happens. So I am told." She disappears as silently as she arrives.

"Buck." It's Steve's voice that makes him jump now and Barnes scolds himself for putting up with so many people in such a short amount of time. Wilson would be next.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna get food?" The confusion melts away, the anxiety and stress fades and James feels the surety flooding back into his system.

He would always have Steve Rogers; Steve Rogers provided his stable grounds and solid foundations. He could only build up from there.


	17. Budapest

A/N: My take on Budapest. I'm not sure about the ending. I'll probably write another Budapest. In fact I know I will.

Enjoy!

* * *

Her heart caught in her throat and the world came to a screeching stand still when Clint fell in Budapest. A bullet practically beneath his heart, her Hawk couldn't necessarily beat that.

The firefight they had been caught in was suddenly frozen in time, her brain analysing every enemy target that was in her path as she would rush to Clint's side; later Fury would comment lightly that it was entirely illogical for one woman to take down twenty five targets in the space of 20 foot but nevertheless, the body count and the CCTV footage from the area did conclude that Tasha disabled 25 hostiles all while covering a prone Clint Barton.

It would also prove that she took down another ten while dragging his bleeding body across rough terrain to the safe house. Of course it wasn't so safe when the enemy agents blasted their way through with a range of rocket launchers but by then Tasha had pulled her partner's broken body beneath the flagstones and was currently escaping with her shooter slung over her shoulders.

She'd collapse about four miles away, where Coulson was waiting with paramedics because he was some suited kind of guardian angel all the while she fussed over a barely conscious Clint Barton. She'd barely been able to stuff padding in his suit to stem any sort of bleeding from the chest wound in the tunnels as the structure shook with every rocket grenade that hit the house above her so she'd been holding his chest against her shoulder in a hope of adding pressure to the wound. She could feel his blood making the fabric sticky but she gritted her teeth and ran faster.

Clint would pull through. She knew that – this was Clint Barton. He was the man who refused to kill her because he saw _something_ in her. She'd been paying him back that life-saving favour ever since he'd recruited her into SHIELD. She watched now as the medics battled to save him, eyes never leaving his vulnerable form, even while she was herded into the van by Coulson's firm touch. She was fairly sure the agent was talking to her but his words faded into muffled noises as her hearing trained entirely on the medics talking.

"They will save him Tasha." Coulson had grabbed her forearm and squeezed it hard, his words penetrating her panicked fog. "You know he won't give up without a fight." He muttered and gave up whatever he had been trying to debrief her on beforehand. He didn't even comment when she moved away to sit by Clint's head, out of the way of the working paramedics. Instead she stroked back the short strands of hair and grabbing a small piece of gauze set to clean the scratches across his face.

In the Battle of Manhattan, she would say "Just like Budapest all over again" not to think of the moment when her world teetered on a very unstable precipice, but she thought of the firefight they had in the middle of the city. The pair had been using cars and rubble from exploded buildings to hide from the encroaching hostiles – of course there were no aliens, merely men with guns and a vendetta.

In the heat of the battle, Clint would sassy comment her but in all honesty, he would remember Budapest very differently; he didn't remember the mission in Budapest. His injury took out about 48 hours of his memory. The Budapest he remembered was an entirely different scenario to the one that made Tasha's heart stop. Which is why he bypassed Tasha's comment – as far as he was concerned there had been no guns, no firefight and definitely no aliens in Budapest.

However, after their first Budapest mission, he would wake in a medi wing to find Tasha watching him almost reproachfully.

"What happened?" He grunted, voice scratchy from disuse. He could feel the padding across his chest and looked down to the bare expanse of skin carefully held together by pristine white bandages.

"You got your butt kicked." She'd shrug, moving forwards to pass him a plastic cup.

"You saved said butt?" He'd chuckle, because while every other SHIELD agent, saw Tasha's care as entirely professional, he could see the worry etched into her forehead and the panic fading from her gaze. As far as fellow agents were concerned they just thought Tasha's bedside vigil was so she didn't have to train a new partner.

"I always save that skinny backside of yours." She huffed, perching on his bed, her hand resting close to his.

"If it was so skinny…" He whispered and she leant closer. "You wouldn't enjoy squeezing it so much." He smirked and Tasha moved away with a scowl. "Jokes aside, what happened Nat?" It would be at this point that they would discover his stunning lack of memory about the mission but for Tasha it wouldn't matter. Of course she'd grumble and sigh about his amnesia, bemoaning that the one time she carried his heavy ass out of a city in subterranean tunnels 'well of course he wouldn't remember!' She'd roll her eyes but all that mattered to her was the steady rise and fall of his chest and hearing his heart beat when she'd sleep with him next.

Because that's what happened. When Coulson and Fury debriefed them and the pair were given two weeks off to make sure Clint's trauma hadn't affected his shooting capabilities, Tasha would end up sharing the sheets with him.

After they practiced his shooting in a civilian facility, the pair would end up back in his flat, sandwiched together on a sofa or curled against his chest in bed, listening to the rhythmic thumping that proudly proclaimed that her Clint was still alive.

She still had to get even with the miscreants that she left behind in Budapest, but she'd fix that another time. That time, Clint would definitely remember.


	18. Tied Down

A?N: OKay this a Winter Widow little niblet. In honesty I couldn't decide between the endings so the tamer one is being posted this week in this thread, while the naughtier one will go up next week as a standalone. It's T rating for naughty implications! Well second base really.

Enjoy!

* * *

"This isn't how I envisioned our first date." Bucky's softly spoken Russian made the shadows shift but the woman did not step forward. "I have seen you – walking around the compound. Pretty little redhead." He smiled and tested the bonds that currently wrapped him to the thick iron pole in the centre of the room. He looked carefully at his surroundings; it could be any cell in the Red Room compound. He had been brought here to train a new band of Widows. He was considered unbreakable when it came to training the soon-to-be deadly sleeper agents.

But what he hadn't expected was to be kidnapped by one of his students. There was only one student that could pull it off; Natalia Romanova. The quick-to-kill red head was exceeding all physical standards as far as the Room was concerned. But her hesitation in undergoing the ceremony was her only flaw. It made her weak as far as Bucky was concerned and while had not dismissed Natalia, she was not the forefront of his mind. Mental reluctance was a greater barrier than any physical incapability.

"I have dropped from top of the class." Her silky voice brushed over his skin, confirming his suspicions.

"For this act I should have you dropped to the bottom." He seethed, unwilling to show how impressed he is of the recruit. "What did you think would happen by kidnapping your instructor?" He raises one eyebrow and curses the magnets she has attached to his left arm. It remained bound to the pipe useless and frustrating.

"I think I would reach top of the class." She steps from the shadow with a smile on her face. "Approach it as an instructor, not as a personal slight." She fixes him with a look and Bucky feels his mouth dry out. But, for some reason he does as she requests.

"What did you use to knock me out?"

"The Cform430 solution."

"How did you get into my rooms without me knowing?"

"Air vents disperse the 430 faster than rag application." Her arms and crossed, her body taut in case he is trapping her.

"You'd have had to wear a gas mask for that…" He hums and allows his eyes to wander across her face. "No you didn't. You sent the 430 through my room and left it for an hour. I still wouldn't wake but you would be able to cope with the effects as it weakens in around fifteen minutes."

"I then walked in listened to you snore and applied a rag afterwards." She shrugs.

"How did you move me?" He frowns, eyes narrowing. She isn't a delicate flower but she's slight. "Even with your enhancements I would still be a weight."

"Wheelchair." She nods to the abandoned chair in the corner of the room and Bucky growls.

"What was the aim of this Romanova?" He is impatient now and is aware that she had made his kidnap easy. His guard had been let down being on the Room's grounds and that was a mistake. As she had proven.

"No aim. I needed to see if I could do it. You tell me I am weak and pathetic. I needed to see if it was true."

"Doubt is a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands Natalia." He bites out and she lets out a puff of laughter. There's a half smirk on her face.

"I don't doubt that statement at all." She steps forward again and cups his face in her hand. He flinches inadvertently and the smirk grows wider. "The great Winter Soldier … scared of a mere woman." She runs her thumb over his bottom lip, her eyes never leaving his.

"There's nothing mere about you." His voice is rough and Natalia's smile is lazy. She pulls herself closer to him, her lips at the shell of his ear and she is delighted to feel him shift against her.

"Yet you drop me from the top of the class." Her nails graze his through before making their way down his chest. She isn't trying to kill him … but Bucky knows that her training as a Widow is so much more than executions, and he isn't in charge of her seduction classes.

"Your ego needs to be held in check." He growls and Natalia's arrogance is evident in her eyes. "You are just a spiderling. This exercise means very little. You are outside of the classroom and you are already sloppy." He snarls and Tasha frowns, uncomprehending. "You have allowed yourself close enough for me to move the magnets from my arm." He sneers and she steps back hastily as his metal arm tears the cuffs from his wrist. "I do not like to be tied down." He dangles the torn metal from his human fingers before throwing them across the small cell room.

He promptly engages her in a fight. She is quick to be fair and she leaps against the wall so her legs wrap around his neck. His shifts his weight to centre himself against the incoming move but he gets it wrong. She uses his weight and swings him in the other direction. He is impressed despite slamming into the concrete wall. He rounds quickly on her, grabbing her throat but her kick to his bollocks is noted and he releases her enough for the woman to pull free. She grabs the wheelchair and catches his artificial arm in the spokes, pulling him into the wall next to the door before kicking apart his legs. He catches her foot with one hand and hauls her off-balance. She quickly centres herself against his body and lashes out with her nails. She feels them chip and she frowns – her beautician teacher will be mad at her. A good Widow keeps her nails in perfect condition even during hand to hand combat.

"Natalia." He grunts as she slams her head against his nose and frees herself from his grip. His head cracks against the wall and Bucky is momentarily disorientated until her slim hand wraps around his wrist and she is pinning him against the wall. She continues pushing his human arm into his back, neatly missing the frenzied attacks from his metal fingers until he snarls and thrusts himself backwards. She falls, winded as the weight of the Winter Soldier falls on her as well. He is quick to pin her to the concrete floor and in that moment he couldn't help himself.

He kisses her. Hard on the lips and is stunned when she responds to his touch. Her hands now knot into his hair, pulling him closer, an unspoken order he happily listens to. In the dank basement cell she has borrowed for her experiment, she allows the Winter Soldier to press bruising kisses to her throat. Her chipped nails score lines down his back as she tugs free his shirt. His fingers have slid beneath her own shirt, grabbing her hips to haul herself closer, she eagerly wraps her legs around his waist and he hears the whine slip from her mouth as she grinds herself against him.

"Natalia." He growls, his breath eliciting shivers down her spine and whatever question he is about to ask is silenced by another breath taking kiss. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind Natalia admits she is not working within her training. She has been taught to feel nothing when sleeping with a man, but with the Soldier it feels as though there's an electric current running through her very core. Her desperation to touch him everywhere is shocking her, she can feel the greedy need bubbling to the surface as she allows his not so warm arm to wrap around her back.

"Romanova." He repeats, pulling himself further away and gazing down at the oh-so-appealing form before him. She looks tantalising but Bucky reins himself in. "We cannot do this. The Red Room has strict policies on who can and can't train the Widows in seduction."

"Hah." Her response is almost hollow and for one strange moment, Bucky feels a tenderness towards the woman before him.

"Romanova… you will make a beautiful Black Widow." He smiles, eyes half closed and Natalia feels her defences change just a little. He helps her up and the pair give one another long last look before disappearing through the door. He knows as he walks away from her that her uncaring attitude is as much of an act as his own mask is but he can't gauge whether Natalia feels the same bolt of electricity that he can as it continues to shock him in his chest.

~N.R~

"I was right." Bucky murmurs as they sat in the compound lounge together. This compound was vastly different to the one she had been raised in; it was warm for a start. It hummed with casual activity and any sense of regiment was far different to the oppression she had suffered through childhood.

Natasha Romanoff sat before him on an uncomfortable looking egg chair while he watched her with a small smile.

"About?" She flicks her eyes from the TV to look at him.

"You made a beautiful Black Widow."


	19. Advice

A/N: Ahh This is a day late! Sorry! AoU compliant! Now this isn't my favourite pairing in fact I'd like it to sink really really fast but it seems unlikely so I took it at another angle and came up with MotherHenHawkeye!

Enjoy!

* * *

"You know there's only so many times you can invite me round for dinner before I want to kill you." Tasha smiled, rubbing a bloated stomach while Laura fussed in the kitchen with pots and pans.

"I'm worried about you." Clint barters back.

"I'm worried about you!" She counters, propping one foot on stool before her and groaning internally at how much food she had just digested.

"I'm retired!" Clint stares at her incredulously, his eyes widening as hers narrow at him.

"That's what I mean!" She hisses back, rolling over to face him. "When you get bored you destroy a part of the house. Laura's going to drop your tools at the bottom of the pond if you're not careful."

"She wouldn't dare." Still Hawkeye's eyes darted towards the kitchen where his wife was washing up. "I'm not the top of discussion here." He continued to stare at an unyielding Nat.

"Stop being such a Mother Hen, you're babysitting me because Banner dropped his ass in the ocean somewhere?" She snaps and the pair fall silent as Laura walks back in.

"I told him he has no tact Nat." She drops a dish cloth on her husband's chest and pointed towards the kitchen. "I washed now you dry…nice try retiree you do half the work now!" With a petulant sigh Hawkeye went through to the sink grumbling. Tasha just smiled at the other woman, the other woman who flopped down next to her on the sofa and sighed. "I have to cook less next time." She grunted rubbing her stomach.

"So much food." Tasha groaned, resting her head back against the settee and closing her eyes.

"You can tell me to go away Tash but I'm going to give you my perspective… whether you want it or not." Laura Barton was not shy with her opinions so Nat nodded but kept her eyes closed. Laura was an intuitive woman and Nat was pretty sure she could read minds… which made her dangerous and impossible. Laura Barton was an ordinary woman with a huge heart. It made Nat well up just thinking about it.

"I'm listening."

"Dr Banner isn't someone I know very well, but I do know you a little and Clint a little more. Clint's just looking out for you; he trusts Banner otherwise he'd never have brought him here, but Clint's pretty oblivious when it comes to anything a little more sensitive, he's like an arrow." Tasha could hear the smile in the other woman's voice. "He's to the point and gets there quickly. But he doesn't have a wide scope and he doesn't always get the point he necessarily needs…"

"Are you going to?" Tasha sighs, settling down for a long lecture.

"Yes, eventually. Now hush up and let me get there." Laura slaps the redheads arm. "Fuck Banner." Laura Barton never swore; so at her crude words Nat's eyes popped open and goggled at the brunette. "The man has issues even without being a green rage machine – not to even write or a snapchat or a Whatsapp?! He's part of one of the biggest covert communication networks in the world and not even a single message!" She frowns. "So fuck him. I'm not saying run off with some half bait prince charming to fill the void, I'm saying Banner's not ready and if I'm totally honest neither are you. That's not a good relationship starter – but you can ripen yourselves soon enough. It took Clint three years to ask me to coffee… you got to give the male species some time to mature… they take longer than us! Anyway where was I? Oh yeah he'll come crawling back and you'll be standing there like some goddamn Venus waiting for him to prostrate himself before you and worship you…"

"You been reading Mills and Boons again?" Tasha interrupted and the other woman smiled.

"Maybe." She smirked.

"We're going book shopping tomorrow." Tasha frowned as Clint came back in, tea towel over his shoulder. "But thank you." She nudged the brunette with her shoulder before the pair laughed at Clint's bewildered face.

"Women!" He huffed before disappearing back to the kitchen. He grumbled to himself it'd be the last time he'd offer Natasha advice, but he knew he was lying. He'd help Tasha any day.


	20. Pet Me

A/N: My prompt: Torpedo, billionaire guru.

So it was always going to be this guy! Enjoy! x

* * *

"Pet me, I've had a bad day." Tony had shuffled into the Avengers lounge, his words hanging in the following silence. Each Avenger looked somewhat alarmed but thankfully he made a beeline directly for Pepper on the couch.

She lifted her arm as the inventor billionaire genius cuddled into her side, burying his face in her shirt.

"What happened?" Pepper continued to tap away on her phone with one hand while she stroked her hand through Tony's hair. "Did a robot misbehave?" She cooed while he snuggled into her further.

"Yes." He said shortly, closing his eyes listening to the soft sounds of Pepper's breathing and her occasional mutters as she continued to run his empire for him.

"Bad robot." She hummed, lightly scratching her nails through his hair, feeling him preen beneath her touch. The pair were entirely oblivious to the shocked stares of the other Avengers. They knew Tony threw tantrums, but this needy side of him was sort of new. They knew he was immature but Clint couldn't take his eyes off the spectacle in front of him. He felt Tasha's hand slip under his jaw to close his mouth but still his gaze was fixed on Pepper's soothing touch over a whingy Tony.

He was still whinging, going into detail as to what the bad robot had done to him. It was gibberish to the surrounding teammates, all except maybe Bruce but Pepper nodded along, making sympathetic noises and even minor suggestions to fixing his problem. As far as Sam could glean, one of the torpedo mountings on a suit was misbehaving or extrapolating or something like that... he switched off to the gobbledegook and instead stared open mouthed as Tony shifted into Pepper.

"She's some kind of Tony guru isn't she?" Cap leant over to whisper to Rhodey who only smiled back.

"She's definitely got a way with him… I'd say she was more a Tony Whisperer." Rhodey snickered before the pair of them opted to leave the almost intimate little moment. The blonde woman was still carding her fingers through Tony's hair, only now she'd put her phone down and was running her spare hand over his back as well. She sighed a little – it was like having a cat when Tony was in one of these moods.

She nodded at the gobsmacked audience, all of whom were a little awkward at having made eye contact with Pepper and tried to leave.

All except Clint, who was now rapidly searching for his phone as he was dragged outside by Tasha.

"But I have to film this! I need proof when he's immature and hides my bow again!" He loudly exclaims until, at Tasha's signal, Thor picks him up and hefts him out of the lounge. "Nooooo!" Clint's cry is cut off as the doors snick shut and Pepper is left cuddling her grumpy kitten boyfriend.

"Did he get any footage?" Tony grumbled into her belly and Pepper laughed.

"No, give him back his bow." She hummed, smiling fondly down at him when he shifted in her lap to face her.

"If I must…" Tony hedged at the stern look on his girlfriend's face. "But I'm not giving him back the arrows." He grins cheekily before cuddling back down, intent on sleeping on Pepper's legs.


	21. Practice Makes Perfect

A/N: This is a complete crack fic - with its inspiration being from We're The Millers.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Okay that's it." Steve walked into the Avengers common room and sat in a chair in a huff. It was unusual to see the usually dignified Captain America in an Iron Man like strop.

"What's wrong?" Tasha put down her magazine and raised an eyebrow. At his silence, she gestured at the other occupant – Bucky– and the dup shifted to surround him on his sofa.

"Dating." There was the tell-tale blush on the tips of his ears as he mumbled it and both bit back their grins.

"Budge up." Tasha went in and sat next to him. "What exactly is wrong with dating?"

"Like…" He stammered but Tasha's face only looked more concerned and remembering that he was Captain America, Steve managed to get his words out. "Whendoyouknowifyouresupposedtokissthemornot."

"What?" Bucky stared down incredulously at the blonde before him.

"You know kissing…at the end of the date…" Steve looked up at Tasha, a plea for help evident in his eyes.

"They don't want to kiss you?" She hazarded a guess.

"The opposite. They full on launch themselves at me, then leave really disappointed." He dropped his heads in his hands missing Tasha biting her lips to stop the smile.

"Steve." He looked up at Tasha's gentle tone and she kissed him quick on the mouth.

"Again… how many times are you planning on surprise kissing me?" Steve stammered out.

"Why how many times has it been?" Bucky snorted, pushing Steve further up the sofa towards Tasha.

"Only the second." Tasha defended before turning Steve's face towards her again. "Relax. You panicking like a turkey on thanksgiving isn't going to get you anywhere." She kissed him again, slower this time. When they pulled back for air she smiled. "Better. Now tongue. Gentle at first. It's not a contest to see how much saliva you can swap. Imagine it's like asking to come into her home…"

"Tasha, you chat crap." Bucky coughed out a laugh and Steve turned to face him. "It's like this." He kissed Steve on the mouth, swiping his tongue against the blonde's lower lip before deepening the kiss further.

"Exactly how do I chat crap!?" Tasha frowned when the two pulled back.

"Like asking to come into her home…!" He scoffed but Tasha had already pulled Steve back to face her, run her fingers through his hair to rest them at the nape of his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Nibbling lightly on his lip as they parted, she sent an accusing look to Bucky but elected not to comment. "Put your hands on a waist if you're not sure about where to put them, then you can wrap them around and pull her closer."

"Now _that's_ a good tip." Bucky conceded. "But Steve you're being rather passive still." Steve was spun again to face Bucky who held back for a second. "If you're nervous cover it, play with her hair, tuck it behind her ear or something and take a slight breath before kissing her." Bucky followed his words by resting his hand against Steve's cheek before pulling him in for a chaste kiss. "Better."

Steve turned back to Tasha, almost dazed as she leant in to kiss him again. "Definitely better. Good tongue movement." She grinned. Bucky kissed him once more, after urging Steve to bite the bottom lip a little.

"Well this is weird." Hawkeye and Wanda were at the other end of the lounge frowning at the three on the sofa.

"Oh god." Steve jumped up horrified that he'd had an audience.

"Now I know why Vis said to stay away from the lounge…" Wanda was staring up at the ceiling as if to avoid eye contact with the three.

"We were just teaching Steve the best way to please a lady…" Bucky waved dismissively, settling back on the couch.

"Jesus Christ, I'm glad we only walked in on the kissing bit! What were you gonna do, a show and tell on the best ways to make a woman scream?" Hawkeye was alarmed at the thought of walking on the weirdest threesome possible. He didn't even think educational threesomes were a thing until that image embedded itself in his mind.

"No no… just kissing!" Tasha smiled, crossing her legs over Bucky's out stretched ones.

"I don't think I want an explanation…" Wanda grimaced. "I think we should…leave…" She stared helplessly at Clint who agreed and the pair vanished from the room with Steve chasing them to explain. Tasha and Bucky remained in the room, amused by this little stint.

"I don't believe you're a better kisser than me." Bucky dropped it into the silence.

"I was trained in it…" She replied drily.

"Prove it." He challenged. She didn't mutter another word, instead pulled herself upright and leant over him. She dropped a slow kiss to his lips, her tongue tracing the edges of his lips before her teeth bit down oh so slightly. Her fingers knotted in the material of his shirt and he arched upwards into her kiss, pushing her hair back from her face. She left the kiss with a slight scrape of teeth against the lower lip and grinned back at his now breathless state.

"I win." She winked and disappeared to save Steve's stammering arse.


	22. It's August

A/N: Heh so this was requested in December by Princess2016. You wanted Clintasha under the mistletoe and this fits the bill but is stupendously short. I am sorry.

* * *

"Mistletoe?" She raised one eyebrow to look at Clint who was hopefully holding the bunch above his head.

"Yup!"

"Barton it's August…." She said slowly, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind her.

"Yeah but I needed an excuse and I can't wait another four months." His words were simple and before Tasha could question him, he crossed the room in three quick strides and kissed her on the mouth. It wasn't a hard kiss, and it was this gentle touch on her lips made Tasha melt inside. She sort of sagged against him, an act she would vehemently deny later on. It wasn't even a full on passionate make out session. It was a sweet and simple, chaste kiss that left Natasha feeling all sorts of honeyed feelings. When they pulled back, she blinked up at Clint, the confusion written across her features.

"Merry Christmas Tasha." She was pleased to hear the husky tone, showing he was as equally affected by the kiss as she was.


	23. Such Sweet Thoughts

A/N: Okay okay Missingwings I know you requested this in March BUT I finally pinned it down! Have a little Redeemed!Loki in a FrostHawk pairing!

Enjoy!

* * *

'Cliiiint' Oh god no, not again. Clint squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was determined to ignore the voice in his head.

'CLIIIIIIIIIIIIINT' Loki had started to shout in his head and it felt like he was shouting in his ear. 'Come visit me, I'm bored.' The whining petulance made Clint snort but he was refusing to see the captured Asgardian who was sitting locked in his room in the Avengers Tower, under close Stark scrutiny. When Clint refused to think anything back to the disgraced God, said God started a barrage of mental noise that made the archer lay face down on his bed and sigh.

'What do you want?' The archer sighed into his pillow.

'I want you to come visit.' Clint snorted, he could _hear_ the god's pout.

'No. Now shut up and get out of my head.'

'No. If you don't come see me I will make you regret it.'

'I'm going to see Thor.' Hawkeye threatened and Loki fell into sulky silence.

~L.L~

"BA BA BA BA BA BANANA BAANNAAAA POTATOOO NNAAAAAAA BANANANANAAA" Loki was singing loudly in Clint's head, spouting gibberish while the archer was forced to sit through dinner listening the disgraced god's nonsense.

"For the love of God!" Hawkeye stood suddenly and left the room, much to the assembled Avengers' bemusement.

Quick strides took Clint to the room where Loki was watching Despicable Me and he slammed his hand on the glass panel to unlock the room.

"Would you please stop!" He growled, striding into the room. Loki seemed startled by the archer's appearance but he muted the film anyway.

"Stop?" Loki looked at him inquisitively.

"Stop with the damn telepathy. You singing the damn Banana Song has ruined dinner! The others' think I'm batty because I'm constantly having a conversation with you!" Clint growls again and practically presses his forehead to Loki's. "Stop. It."

"Fine, I'll stop singing the Banana Song, but you know as well as I that I can't get rid of this mental connection." Loki shrugs and pulls away from the closeness that Clint had imposed. He went back to reclining on his bed and shot the archer a cheeky grin. "Can I keep watching Despicable Me now?" He'd picked up the remote once more and pressed play without waiting for an answer. Hawkeye left with muttered curses, a black mood and a rumbling stomach.

~C.B~

Loki was finally allowed to roam around the Avengers Tower instead of being under room arrest. He was relishing the freedom and was currently in the kitchen concentrating on a cooking video.

"What are you doing?" Clint had strolled in and parked himself up on one the stools.

"Learning how to make a 'Frozen' cake. I'm presuming my powers will come in useful here." Loki frowned at the screen before him. Clint recognised one of the many cooking youtube channels and realised with a start that Loki was serious. The God had paused the screen and started to amass the ingredients and equipment all while grumbling that he didn't have any of the figurines but he'd have to make do.

Clint watched in fascination as Loki started to bake in time with the video, getting cake mix over the screen as he paused and played it over and over again. There was some swearing, in English and various Nordic languages but soon enough there was a lopsided blue candy glass covered cake sat on the table before the pair of them.

"That looks interesting." Captain America had come into the shared kitchen find a batter smeared Loki scrutinising his first ever baking attempt and then pouting.

"It looks awful." The god went to sweep it off the table onto the floor but Clint stopped him, tugging the baking creation away from the perfectionist.

"Nu-uh. Barton family rule is you have to taste it before you bin it." He went to grab a knife and cut a substantial wedge into the cake, and taking a big bite out of the slice.

"Well…" Steve prompted as Clint stared down at it in wonder.

"You got to try this." He handed over his half eaten slice which Steve accepted warily. Nibbling on a piece the joy that suddenly lit up the Avenger's face made Loki stare at the pair in bemusement.

"That is amazing!" Cap licked his lips blissfully. "Let's not tell anyone." He quickly shot to Clint. "This is our secret. He makes cakes only for us." He glares at Loki, who still looked utterly lost at the turn of events this afternoon.

'Make more for me than you do for him.' Clint mentally beams to Loki, who flinches at the surprise of hearing Clint in his head and the God glares at the archer.

"Deal, it's our secret." Clint nods back to Steve and the two Avengers quickly snaffle the cake away leaving Loki to clean up the mess he made in his baking quest.

Loki found Clint sitting on his bed, wiping cake crumbs from his mouth while the Asgardian glared at him from the doorway.

"What?" Clint went to reach for another slice but Loki was by his bedside smacking his hand away from the cake. "Hey!"

"What do I exactly get in this bargain!?" Loki raised an eyebrow, his grip on Clint's wrist stopping him from anymore cake snaffling.

"What do you want?" Clint's eyes were lingering on the cake. "I can cook in return for your baking? I make real mean ribs, or steak or …"

"You have to be nice to me and I will make you cake whenever you want." Loki interrupted and after a moment's hesitation, Clint nodded and Loki released his wrist, allowing him to dive for another slice of cake.

"You're lucky I don't want to put an arrow through you anymore." Clint lightly jests but he lets out a squawk as Loki pushes him over on the bed. "What are you doing?"

"This is you being nice to me, we're watching a film together." Loki crossed his ankles and then handed Clint the cake before opening his new favourite thing. Netflix.

~L.L&C.B~

It had been over a year with their damn mental connection and Clint had finally got used to it. In fact, he was more than used to it. It had been helpful like when it was Loki that spotted the foreign hit squad lining up on the next building along to start sniping at the Tower's inhabitants. Or when Loki realised somewhat had set the building on fire but had been locked in and couldn't sound the alarm. Or when Loki and Pepper had been kidnapped by mercenaries but thanks to that handy mental connection, Loki had been able to send the archer snippets of information and the Avengers kicked arse saving the pair. It was after that that Tony allowed Loki a proper room and had grudgingly permitted for his surveillance level to drop.

Clint's and Loki's baking vow had a strange side effect in that the pair genuinely liked spending time with one another; they had regular movie evenings, the cake dutifully provided by Loki after Clint had cooked dinner for the pair.

Somehow their mental connection was quite relaxing now. It appeared that the pair moved in sync with one another, their seemingly wordless communication was actually being argued out mentally. Their bickering unheard by the other Avengers, who watched in amusement as the pair unconsciously circled one another continuously when cooking, or when they were out on assignment together, or even during training sessions. Loki would always end up on Hawkeye's right, knowing it was the archer's weaker side and their new closeness was something Tasha regularly teased the pair for.

"So when are you two getting hitched?" She'd sit at the breakfast bar; having often the guinea pig for Clint's cooking, she was now the test subject for Loki's baking. She was pulling apart one of his cinnamon rolls while Clint stirred a pot of pasta behind her and she jumped when a tea towel smacked her in the back. "Hey!" She reached behind and pinched Clint's hip. "I just wanted to be bridesmaid. I imagine it'd be a green wedding? Or maybe black and purple… it can't be green and purple or you'd have to have Bruce officiating in those colours." She cackled until Hawkeye had her wrestled to the floor – no easy feat and one that Loki was impressed by.

'Don't kill her.' He thought drily and smirked as Clint laughed.

'Come help?'

'Not a bloody chance, I like having all of my limbs in one place, I'm the God of Mischief, not Kamikaze missions…" Loki shrugged as Clint struggled. 'I can also be the God of Swift Exits, she's getting free, byeeeeee' Loki ran from the room and Tasha managed to grab a handful of Clint's hair and she yanked hard.

"Coward!" Hawkeye howled out loud as he went down with a scream.


	24. Failed Dates

A/N: Silly cracky one. Clint's family does not exist in this little one. I have a love for Darcy hence this nibble!

Enjoy!

* * *

"If you want to date so badly, let me hook you up with someone." Clint was throwing malteasers at Darcy's head while they watched some trashy film together.

"No. I can do this by myself and I do not trust your taste."

"What exactly is wrong with my taste?!" Clint baulked, momentarily pausing in his chocolate throwing at her revelation.

"The man who's had a hard on for his working partner does not have good taste." Darcy's dry tone made Clint launch the next malteaser particularly hard, which was thankfully deflected by a pillow. "No, if I'm going to get on the dating scene, I can do this on my ownsome."

~D.L~

"So it didn't go well then." Steve watches Darcy traipse into the lounge. He holds his hands up in surrender when she lets out a yelp of surprise and drops the clutch bag (she'd stolen it from Tasha).

"What are you still doing up?" She grumbled, dropping her coat on the armchair and slumping on the sofa next to the blonde beefcake.

"Jane said you were out, I decided one of us had to wait up for you, to make you didn't end up on the doorstep until morning." Steve sighed, watching the pout on the younger woman's face.

"Jarvis would have let me in and you know it." She grumped, rested her head back against the sofa and she closed her eyes.

"Another bad date?" Steve lightly queries as Darcy's eyes remain resolutely closed.

"The guy fancied you." She shrugs, her eyes still shut.

"Ahh that's a little awkward." Steve blushed, even though Darcy wasn't looking at him.

"More than a little. I realised he was trying to get me back home not so he could shag me senseless but so he could meet you and try to shag you senseless." She grunted, but leant against Steve's arm. "I forgive you for your blonde beautifulness. I'd probably fancy you if I hadn't seen you in the mornings looking less than glamorous. Hard to fancy a guy when he's snarling at people for not ordering enough cream cakes." She sighed and Steve chuckled.

"Let's get you to bed Darcy." She cracked one eye open and watched with satisfaction as Steve realised the double intent in his words. "Not like that..."

"I know, just fun to watch you blush." She grinned.

~D.L~

"Hay Darce, you're in early." Bruce was making coffee and squinted at the clock, which read half nine.

"Don't. Just don't." She growled, opening the fridge door grabbing a can of beer and chugging back at least half in one go.

"Do you think you'll give up the dating malarkey any time soon?" Bruce had been a shoulder to whinge on for a fair few of the dates and Darcy was mightily grateful that the Green Rage Machine was a sympathetic ear.

"Probably soon, there's only so much stupidity I can take." She rested her head against the kitchen counter, letting out a long suffering sigh.

"What was wrong with this one?"

"Smelt of explosives. Then NYPD bust in halfway through dessert and arrested him. Turns out he's been making bombs." She muttered the table top, grumping when Bruce patted her on the arm. "And I had to pick up the bloody check. Well Tony's credit card did." She burrowed further into her crossed arms and grumbled about the uselessness of the male species while Bruce parked his butt next to her and made sympathetic noises in the appropriate places as she continued to lament.

~D.L~

"You can't tell me you have messed up another date!" Jane exclaimed as Darcy stormed into the lab and hurled the paperweight across the room, the sound of broken glass was dismissed. Thor just managed to duck in time; he was incredibly wary of the small woman's violence.

"I didn't mess up anything." Darcy shouted as she marched through the glass room, resolutely ignoring the shattered pane as she continued to her room. "Maybe the men of New York shouldn't be such dicks and mug me on the way home!" She slammed the door, leaving Jane staring open mouthed at her assistant-slash-friend.

"Mug? What is to mug?" Thor frowned.

"Someone stole from her." Jane gaped and didn't notice Thor's hasty departure as she rushed to console Darcy.

Two hours later, Jane had managed to coax Darcy into the sitting room with promises of hot chocolate and marshmallows so big they'd rival Thor's biceps. Pepper had just torched the ginormous marshmallows and currently the younger woman was grumbling to the older women when Iron Man and Thor strode into the kitchen with a limp bundle between them.

"What. Did. You. Do?!" Pepper went into anxious mode while Darcy started to cackle.

"He hurt Darcy, we hurt him." Thor said this as if it was the most rational thing in the world, utterly oblivious to Pepper's muttered PR worries while Jane just sighed and shook her head.

"We couldn't get your purse back, apparently he swapped that for something else…" Tony had popped open his Iron Man mask.

"Thank you." Darcy grinned, wiping her tears of laughter away while the stranger whimpered. "That's the best present ever. Don't worry too much about the purse!" She waved and vanished from the room still laughing, not even sparing the mumbling man another glance.

~D.L~

"Where are you going?" Tasha called from the sofa as Darcy tried unsuccessfully to sneak out behind her.

"Err nowhere…" The brunette smiled innocently at the super spy.

"So you wouldn't be going on a date with someone named Josh from downtown?" She leant over the back of the sofa as Sam sniggered.

"You're spying on me?!" Darcy was momentarily outraged.

"She spies on everyone…" Sam shrugged. "I thought Jane put you on a dating ban…"

"She did, but this guy is gorgeous, actually seems clever and has muscles that a girl can appreciate without thinking he's a steroid addict or a secret avenger…" Darcy suddenly paused. "He's not a secret avenger is he?" She suddenly frowned at Tasha, unnerved when the redhead's expression didn't change.

"No, he's not. He is a bit of a douche but I don't agree with Jane's ban so I'm gonna let you make another mistake – is this the 25th?"

"22nd." Darcy gritted her teeth but flounced out of the tower into the waiting cab downstairs.

The man was an interminable bore. He loved the sound of his own voice more than he loved Mozart and that seemed to be saying something. Darcy was barely staying awake through the mains and in a bid to cut her losses, she claimed against dessert. As they left the restaurant, his arm slid around her waist and he pulled her closer, much to Darcy's chagrin. However before she could open her mouth a voice cut across them.

"Cab for Miss Darcy Lewis." The warm accent made her head whip around and she almost fainted with relief she spotted Clint waiting next to a black Audi.

"We didn't call one." Josh the Bore frowned, squeezing Darcy a little tighter.

" _You_ may not have done." Clint stepped forwards and Darcy snorted – he'd come in full Avenger uniform.

"Bit extreme isn't it Clint, it is nearly November and you're wearing less than a glamour model." Darcy carefully extracted herself from Josh's grip and waved goodbye to him.

"I'll call you?" The desperation in his voice made Darcy feel a little bad, then she realised she'd just listened to a two hour expose on Mozart and any sympathy vanished.

"You can try." She slid into the car as Clint started to chuckle. "Get me home." She begged, easing her heels off in the car.

"Now will you let me set you up on a date?" Clint was smirking and Darcy groaned.

"Still a no, only this time it's because I never want to go on a date as long as I live." She leant back into the chair and blew the curls from her eyes. She cracked a look over at him and let out a long sigh. "If I say yes, will it shut you up?" He nodded. "Fine. One date."

"Easy. I know exactly what to aim for and I hit it on the first go." He grinned.

"Only if it's Tasha, in that case you don't have the balls." Darcy stuck her tongue out at him, screeching with laughter as leant over to pinch her thigh.

"Shut up woman. Look if you'd let me choose you'd never have had any failed dates." Clint grunted.

"And if you let me tell you exactly what to say, I'd have had Tasha eating out of the palm of your hand." Darcy snorted, rested her aching feet on the dashboard. "Look Legolas, get me home, get me a blanket and a Disney film and then we'll sort out the misery that is our love lives. Deal?"

"Despicable Me not Disney and we have a deal." Clint bargained and despite her snort Darcy agreed. "Then I'll make sure you don't have another failed date again."


	25. A Secret

A/N: This was a request for Spiritfeather19524. You wanted a Steve and Tasha marriage

I know you said secretly married but I had to have Hawkeye as a witness. So I played on it a little

* * *

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

"Stop crying." Tasha nudged him, wincing when he sniffed loudly and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Come on already, suck it up!" She hissed.

"Oh really, you try not to cry when your best friend gets married." Hawkeye coughed to clear his throat and held out his arm for Tasha to loop hers with his.

"Fine, when you can find someone that wants to keep you, I'll try not to cry with happiness." She grinned and was pleased to see him laugh. Clint may have been crying but he didn't miss the breath she took, or the tight grip on his arm as the doors opened in front of them.

There wasn't a wedding march, nor was there any fanfare or trumpets or even an alien invasion, which Tasha had half expected. Instead there was quiet and a sharp intake of breath. Which she then realised, came from her. Because stood in front of her was the man she loved. She loved with every bit of her damaged soul and pieced together heart.

Steve Rogers was looking mighty fine in a suit and she was only just aware of Hawkeye leading her up the short aisle to the registry counter and letting her go there. She could just remember saying the words in the right places and feeling the ring being slipped onto her finger, but all she could really remember was the ecstatic joy that seemed to be beaming out of Steve Rogers' face. It made her heart sing and she was fairly sure she was grinning like a lunatic. But she didn't care. She was marrying the man she loved. Strike that, she had married the man she utterly adored.

~N.R~

"How was the honeymoon?" Maria Hill was sat on an armchair in the compound waiting for Tasha to walk in.

"What are you on about?"

"Nice try Spider, but Clint's been an emotional wreck for two weeks while you and Steve mysteriously vanished to Fiji. Thus you got married. So I ask again, how was the honeymoon..." Maria raised her brow and Tasha gaped at her. She thought they'd covered their tracks pretty well. It had been a dead cert that by having Nick Fury officiate the ceremony, they'd manage to keep it under wraps but very little got past Maria. Especially if Nick excluded her from something, which he had and thus had peaked her curiosity.

"It was lovely." She shrugged, thinking it was easier to just go with it.

"Now can we discuss why I wasn't a bridesmaid?"

"Or why I wasn't allowed to come?" Tony strolled in and sat in another of the armchairs.

"Or why Steve didn't have a best man? Where is he by the way?" Sam came from another doorway.

"Why was Hawkeye your maid of honour and not me!?" Maria repeated.

"Come on, I'd have made the party awesome!" Tony whined.

"Hey guys what's going on?" Steve came in and silence fell instantly.

"They know." Tasha said simply, holding her hands up in defence when Steve coloured.

"Ohh… okay." Steve quickly dashed from the room was back again in about a minute, his wedding band now firmly in place on his left hand. "That means I can wear this now." It had been a real mental struggle for him, now that he was married, not to be allowed to wear his wedding ring. "And I can do this." He grabbed Tasha by the waist, pulled her close and kissed her thoroughly.

"Gross, please guys I've just eaten." Tony looked nauseated but the kiss was truly interrupted by Thor.

"What is this my friends?" He boomed.

"Tasha and Steve got married." Maria chirped.

"A wedding? I was not here? Why my friend, I thought we could trust one another…" Thor looked hurt.

" _No-one went._ Except for Clint." Sam grumbled.

"Then we must have another wedding!" Thor announced and the room fell silent again. "Yes, there must be a great celebration for this happiness, with feasts and drinking and dancing until the sun is up once more!" Thor roared and Tony stood up.

"That is the best idea I have heard in a long while." He pointed at the blonde Asgardian who was beaming proudly.

"We just wanted a quiet ceremony." Steve tried… but now Tony had the idea there was no stopping him.

"You need the wedding traditions in place Steve!" Maria piped up, ignoring the death glare from Tasha.

"What is it? Something old something new something borrowed something blue?" Tony turned to the others who nodded, well except Thor who looked a little confused.

"She already married something old." Hawkeye was leaning against the doorjamb and he also ignored Tasha's glare. "You could lend her one of your cars for the day, that'd be something borrowed. Something blue…"

"New underwear." Maria announced. "Easy peasy, something new and blue."

"This." Tasha sighed, pulling her husband to the side of the room, "this is why we married in secret."

"Fully aware of that, reckon we can sneak away. You did say you wanted to see the Seychelles?"

"Let's go!" She nodded.


	26. Libido

A/N: A request for Gabycatstark13 - you wanted a Steve and Maria. I hope this isn't too OOC. It sort of ran away with me.

Enjoy!

* * *

Steve Rogers may have been on ice for a fair few decades, but his libido had been on ice for even longer, ever since he woke up in this new century there'd barely been a woman that fluttered his interest. That wasn't to say the females that came in and out of his day to day life hadn't tried and he wasn't counting Tasha – she was trained in making men feel things.

But then saw Maria Hill. To be exact he saw Maria Hill in a slinky navy blue dress that clung to the body he'd never really noticed before and Steve's libido was now awake and raring to go.

Tasha had noted Cap's reaction to Maria at one of Tony's impromptu parties (what was it he'd said about Tasha being trained for these situations) and she'd pushed the hapless pair together. To be precise she and Hawkeye had contrived to trap them in a room and then locked the door. The devilish duo considered it a success when the pair didn't emerge for hours, even after the door was unlocked.

~S.R~

"Come on." The good Captain was pressing her against the wall grinding his hips into hers but Maria just giggled. He really had to stop accosting her just as she was leaving.

"I have work – Fury's not going to let me off again because of 'fatigue'." She made little speech marks in the air, but her giggles died in her throat as Steve lifted her easily and began nibbling the skin behind her ear. "Ah, Steve." She whined, fingers clutching at his shoulders, all thoughts momentarily forgotten.

"Screw work." He groaned as her legs tightened around his hips, anchoring the pair in place.

"Ahh, now you reminded me." She hummed, grabbing his chin and forcing him away to look in his eyes. "I'm going to work." She pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "I will make it up to you this evening." She smiled softly as Steve let her down with only a minor sulk. Desperate for her as he was, he was still Steve Rogers and that meant he'd put her down and plan the strategy for next time he could have her against a wall.

"Okay." He hummed and bent down to kiss her on the cheek, not quite trusting himself with her lips. He watched her leave out of the front door a few minutes later before glaring down at his hard on. "You and I pal have got to have words." He grunted, before heading towards the shower to relieve his problem.

~M.H~

She made it up to him. She definitely made it up to him. Even though she looked tired, and Steve noted her right shoulder was aching after training, Maria had him practically howling her name.

He flumped back on the pillows, admiring the sheen of sweat on her body and he looked at her with a mixture of satisfaction, lust and awe in his eyes.

"Sweet hell." He mumbled, hauling her closer to press reverent kisses to any patch of her skin within his range. She laughed and squirmed out of the way of his wandering kisses.

"I can't go again but if you keep doing that I'll want to go again." He watched her with a fond smile as her eyes started to droop.

"Sleep, I'll make dinner when you wake up." He said softly as her eyes shut fully, a small nod and a slight sigh escaped from her lips as she quickly dropped off in his arms. Steve contented himself to watch over his sleeping girlfriend, admiring every plane and line of her body before he drew the coverlet up to ward off a chill.

She wasn't necessarily a pretty sleeper; she snorted and snuffled and her wriggling wasn't erotic or adorable – she had sharp elbows and vicious knees. Thankfully he didn't bruise otherwise he'd have been covered in them from her night time fidgeting. But Steve couldn't help but love her.

~S.R~

It wasn't just Steve's libido that had been dormant for a while, Maria's had also been pretty asleep before Tasha and Clint had locked them in that bedroom all those months ago. Tasha had tried to set her up on many a date with many of the agents around SHIELD but so many of them saw her as a chance for promotion or were absolutely terrified of her and had been coerced into going by Tash that Maria lost faith in dating pretty quickly. She'd tucked her sex drive into a box and shoved it at the back of her mind, opting to focus on other things in her life, like saving the world.

But at that party the box had magically opened itself and Maria hadn't a choice in what her lust wanted. Lust had decided it wanted Captain America.

She recalled fondly what had happened after they spent half hour banging fruitlessly on the door or trying to get hold of Friday or Vision, to no avail. Their cell phones weren't working and the pair had stared awkwardly around the bedroom, trying to find a conversation starter. Something that didn't involve work…

She still, to this day, couldn't work out who kissed who first, but one of them had. They'd ended up on the bed kissing almost tentatively as if they were high school kids with their first crush. Then that magic little Lust in her head decided to move it up a gear or ten and the pair were enthusiastically rolling around tugging at clothing, kissing the skin that was bared and getting as close to one another as physically possible.

It was the first real encounter that Maria would describe as romantic – despite its not so romantic start. There was a tenderness in Steve's touch that she felt so keenly, it made her climax a lot earlier than she expected. She was suddenly aware of what she had been missing for most of her sex life and as cheesy as it sounded, she realised she'd been missing Steve. While the fireworks exploded behind her eyes, she felt him holding onto her as though she was the most treasured gift in his life. Maria was then determined to give him an equally amazing feeling; which judging by the expression on his face she managed.

When the pair came down from their respective highs, Maria was desperate not to let the awkwardness settle in. So when Steve opened his mouth, already looking panicked, she cut him off with a kiss and a smile.

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat." She murmured, quelling any fears the blonde had.

"You would?"

"I would." She nodded and squealed as his hands wrapped around her waist, pulled her effortlessly closer and he kissed the breath from her lungs.

"Then we will later, I think we need food first." He snickered as her stomach had rumbled its agreement.

It would be the start of a tryst that blossomed into a romance and a relationship.

Even now, months later as Maria woke up to a dark and empty room, she didn't feel any worry that would usually come from being alone. She knew Steve would be elsewhere in their flat, trying not to wake her.

Tugging a shirt on, she was correct in her assumptions as she found him in the kitchen cooking a stew of some sort. She made no noise and instead watched him for a few minutes rhythmically chopping meat and veg, frying it off before putting it into the earthenware dish he favoured for his casseroles.

It was only as he shut the oven door that she padded across the room to him, and kissed between his shoulder blades.

"That'll take about an hour, come back to bed." She murmured into his skin.

"Yes ma'am." He smiled, allowing her to lead him back to their messy room.

Despite cursing Tasha into the next century, he was happy that the meddling woman had decided to take such an avid interest in his love life - he'd never have plucked up the courage to approach Maria otherwise.

Despite cursing Tasha in the next universe, Maria was happy that the bloody woman had such a dogged approach to her love life - never in a million years would she have thought that Steve Rogers had a libido that would leave her breathlessly satisfied.


	27. But I'm an Archer!

A/N: So cracky it makes me laugh. Expect nothing serious, or canon... Well some relationships are but some are just there to make my day.

* * *

"It was you." Nat was stretched out Clint's bed when the archer strolled back into his room. He didn't exactly jump at seeing her, but there was a slight movement, like a flinch.

"What was me?" He settled down next to her, moving the slight red-head from the centre of the bed.

"The cards…" She propped herself up one elbow to look down at the nonchalant archer who looked bemused at her hard stare.

"What are you on about Tasha?" He raised one eyebrow quizzically but Tasha wasn't having any of his shit today.

"Where have you been Barton, it's been a positive gag fest of romance today."

"I have been out today, doing something for SHIELD." He shrugged. "Why what have I missed?" He sat up, interested in the sudden gossip his bestie was about to share. She stared at him again, seeming to draw conclusions but she thought she might as well give Hawkeye the news.

"Well, it's Valentines Day…" Hawkeye pulled a face and Tasha nodded. "My sentiments exactly but not the point and it seems Cupid was very busy amongst our friends today." She hums, still reading Clint's expression but right now it seems expectant and she continues. "It was the weirdest thing to wake up to. Rhodey's in kitchen muttering about seeing cherubs, spots something in the post and runs straight out of the door, shouting to Tony about some woman named Carol, who takes this all in his stride and waves him away with a good luck."

"Very strange." Clint frowns but gestures at Tasha to continue.

"Then it gets even weirder. Tony's now in the room when suddenly he's ambushed by Pepper who's waving a piece of paper round and kissing him like he's God's greatest gift. Tony's utterly bemused but rolling with it and I, being the oh so helpful friend that I am…" Clint snorts but says nothing when Tasha frowns. "Asks Pepper to explain. Turns out Tony's booked the pair of them to the Bahamas for a fortnight and promised no machinery or suits, or tinkering, or Avengers… just the two of them and that Phil has promised to keep an eye on the business alongside the ever capable Friday."

"So what, Tony just goes with it?" Clint's leant back against the pillows once more as Tasha recounts her incredibly weird and nauseating day.

"Yup. But honestly Clint you missed a hell of a day. The next thing we know is that Darcy's come flying in from lab yammering on that she's seen Bruce and Helen holding hands and blushing like a pair of fourteen year olds at their first school dance and that Thor is showing Jane just how his hammer operates…" Clint pulls a face and Tasha nods, equally disgusted. "BUT Loki, who has so lovingly joined us for breakfast grumbles something along the lines of 'always the bloody hammer' at which Darcy looks sweetly up at him…"

"Darcy… our Darcy, doing sweet?!" Clint exclaims but Tasha shushes him.

"Yes Darcy, being sweet says to him 'Sometimes a staff is far more fun to play with' and the pair of them behave like bloody schoolchildren and are soon snogging away on the breakfast bar. I had to leave, I nearly threw up."

"So… you're telling me I've missed all this drama?" Clint is astounded but Tasha shakes her head.

"Barton, I'm still not finished."

"Carry on then." He tucks his arms beneath his head and lets Tasha finish her tale.

"I literally step into the hallway and Steve and Bucky are there, making out against the wall as though their lives depend on it. Like there's decades to catch up on and believe me, they are going for it – I just manage to escape before I see Sam in his full Falcon outfit, sweeping Maria Hill…"

"No, I can't believe any more of this, you're making this shit up!" Barton has sat upright once more and is staring incredulously at Tasha. "Not Maria as well! Cool calm, level headed Maria?!"

"Yes! Agent Hill is being carried out **bridal style** by Sam!" Tasha is amazed by the day she's had to deal with. "Then to finish off the bundle, Vision announces that he is going to kiss Wanda, who goes as red as her coat and the pair are also making out in a rather heated fashion." Tasha flops down on to the bed and Clint chuckles.

"That is one hell of a day." He laughs and Tasha has to as well.

"Which begs the question, how did you do it?" She turns to look accusingly at him, and she gives him credit for the perfect poker face that remains in place.

"What do you mean?" He asks innocently and Tasha's not fooled.

"Today would have nothing to do with the last visit we had to Asgard and that you became rather chummy with a teenage goddess known as Freyja?" She stares at him hard but nothing changes.

"It would have nothing to do with the fact she had a rather spectacular dust known as Cupid's Eye which may have accidentally come home with me and got into the air vents." He smiles up at the ceiling and Tasha sighs.

"Every air vent but the ones connecting to your room…" Tasha shakes her head and Clint cracks a smile.

"Every vent but mine. Don't give me that look spiderling, I _had_ to do it, I'm an archer. Cupid's an archer – it had to be done." He shrugs and promptly shrieks when Tasha beats him with a pillow.

"Bloody archer my arse." She wrestles him down before kissing him soundly on the mouth as they lay in a tangle of blankets and bed clothes. "So why didn't it affect me?"

"Because I wasn't there." He said simply, without a trace of arrogance as he leans over to kiss her once more.

"Good enough." She shrugs and the pair leave the others canoodling around the Tower to celebrate their own Valentines day.


	28. Stuck

A/N: Silly little filler piece.

Enjoy!

* * *

"What do you mean you're stuck?" Tasha smiled as she fiddled with her coffee cup.

"I mean I am stuck!" The voice through her phone sounded indignant and more than a little pissed.

"You been putting on weight again?" She looked like an average business woman, black suit, white shirt, dark sunglasses against the spring sunshine.

"I don't know what you mean!" Clint said huffily. He was chattering into his earpiece, stuck in a drain and looking miserable. "Just come get me out. I'm in level one of the sewers under the 54th street."

"I'm in a clean suit, get yourself out!" She grinned, she stood up, taking her empty coffee with her (can't leave DNA, rookie error) and slipped back into the business of the street.

"Tasha, seriously, not funny!" Clint was sounding more than a little desperate now.

"Oh for God's sake Barton I'm coming." She snapped her phone shut and disappeared down a side alley.

~C.B~

She had been laughing for a full two minutes now. She had almost leant against the sewer wall for support while he had been helpless to shut her up. Instead he had scowled at her until she had wiped away her tears of laughter and composed herself a little better.

He had put weight on; the comfort of the Avengers complex had made him a little podgier and he was stuck in a vent. It had been a small service tunnel, designed for small boys once and now meant for the robotics that the water companies preferred to use.

"You are normally somewhat…" She had sniggered "Catlike and you normally know when you can't fit in a shortcut." Nat had started the process of working out how to get him out.

"Someone was coming." He grunted. "I'll debrief you when we get back to the Complex, just get me out!" He grumbled, wiggling the numbness from his toes.

It took the pair of them an hour and a half to squeeze Clint from the service tunnel. He was aching, annoyed and embarrassed by the time he stumbled into a well deserved shower.

He could already hear Nat given a thankfully shortened version of the pairs smelly entrance and he could already hear Tony trying to find CCTV in the sewers and he could already hear the next six months work of jokes. Sighing, he stepped into shower, shedding his fouled clothes and resolved he would call Cap next time he got stuck.


	29. Snapchat

A/N: Cracky one. Enjoy and review!

* * *

"You just send photos of yourself… like that?" Thor's brow was furrowed and Darcy was looking a little stressed now. She had been sat patiently next to him for an hour and trying to explain snapchat to the Asgardian might just kill her.

"Sending photos to who?" Steve had walked in and Darcy felt her body slump. Two technophobes in one room, no make that three, Bucky was right behind Steve.

"Sending photos of what?" Bucky winked and Darcy groaned out loud.

"Her face, being very unattractive." Thor was still staring at the iPhone in his hands like it was a form of weapon.

"Hey!" She grabbed the pillow next to her and thwapped him on the arm. Not that it bothered him much but it made her feel better, and snatch her phone back away from him.

"Thor's clearly talking rubbish, explain." Bucky had wedged himself on the other side of her and Darcy leant back on the sofa with a loud moan. "Come on Darce, Tasha brought you here because of how up to date you are with civvie life."

"Nothing like making me feel worthless, thanks Barnes." She sniped back but sat upright and very slowly began to explain Snapchat for the fourth time.

Barnes grasped it a lot faster than Thor ever would and it would be Darcy's biggest ever mistake.

Her phone hadn't stopped vibrating, even Jane's temper for Darcy's phone had begun to snap a little. Erik's had already flared and he was glaring at her as if she was a bilgsnipe.

"DARCY!" She hissed, turning back from the whiteboard she was on to glare at her assistant, but was surprised to see Darcy nowhere near her phone. That was unusual; normally it was attached the girl like another appendage. "DARCY!" She yelled now and the assistant in question stuck her head into the room. "Your damn phone." She pointed at the offending item with her whiteboard pen.

"It's still going!?" She said incredulously, now bearing coffees for the three of them.

"It hasn't stopped! I thought you were continuously texting on it."

"No, no I have not used it in four hours but I may have shown Steve, Bucky and Thor snapchat."

"Oh no." Jane said quietly, her ire at Darcy draining away. She knew her beau's penchant for Midgardian technology – he had a real fascination in learning about mortal ways and snapchat culminated that obsession. "That's why." She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "We might as well look at them now."

What followed may have been one of the most surreal moments of Jane Foster's life, and that included an Asgardian falling out of the sky. A myriad of snaps including awkward close ups of Thor's face as he got the hang of the front facing camera, his puppy dog grin that Darcy had already snapped before and him pulling some very gruff and manly poses before sending a video exclaiming that if he pressed the red button the video lasted long… They totalled three minutes' worth of footage.

Steve's only numbered 45 odd seconds. The photos clearly taken by someone else, which would be revealed to be Bucky as the last one was of the pair of them sat on the sofa a few doors away. Each one Steve looked awkward and camera shy and Darcy felt for him in that moment.

Bucky's were far more entertaining. A number of vain poses followed by faces Darcy had pulled before, then the views from outside the Complex amongst random shots of things inside the complex. His went on for five minutes, Darcy was homicidal by the end of them.

At dinner that evening she and Jane promptly lectured Thor and Bucky on the uses on Snapchat and the etiquette involved when using the app. Jane had quietly taken Thor to the side and was gently explaining how to behave with the app and that no-one needed to see his nostrils while Darcy was aiming her ice-cream spoon at Bucky with her threats falling on seemingly deaf ears.

"Snapchat?" Tony Stark had strolled into the dining room and Bucky launched into an explanation of the app. "No, I know the app but isn't it just used for dick pics?"

"Dick pics?" Bucky frowned, momentarily stymied.

"Yeah, guys taking photos of their penis to send to girls they want to shag…"

"Why would I send Jane a photo of my penis, I can just show her here?" Thor went to do undo his trousers, much to the alarm of the occupants who were all scurrying from the room, Darcy grabbing the ice cream carton on her way out while Jane was convincing Thor to do his trousers up.


	30. Tony Cat

A/N: For Missingwings, you wanted Loki turns Tony into a kitten.

I tried for like six months with this bad boy and I just can't get a good ending SO I'm going to do the start and then maybe eventually the ending will come to me. I just couldn't make it Stony either. Please don't hate me!

* * *

"What happened?" So far Cap was the only one being serious about the matter which Tony was grateful for. His tail started twitching when Natasha started laughing again and he yowled when Clint had to leave the room because he was laughing too hard.

"I've been turned into a cat!" Tony growled, hackles raising at the stupidity of the people before him.

"We can see that, we want to know how." Steve said gently then he frowned when Tony mumbled his answer. "What was that?"

"I might have called Loki an icecream." The kitten looked a little sheepish, the dark brown moggy was glaring at the assembled Avengers and when Clint came back in and started laughing all over again, the feline launched itself at the archer who ran screeching from the room.

"You called him an ice-cream." Steve pinched the bridge of his nose as Bucky stepped forwards to grab Tony-cat by the scruff of his neck.

"This isn't dignified." Tony yowled as he dangled from the assassin's grip.

"Nope, we're going to have to work out the cat-sitting rotation." Rhodey had managed to stop his lips from quivering too much but now he was openly laughing at the sullen cat before him.

"You know when I change back… I am going to kick your arse."

"If." Pepper said suddenly. "If you change back, it will involve you actually apologising to Loki." She raised a brow and Tony suddenly looked blank as Bucky put him back on the countertop.

"Damn it." He hissed before flopping head first on the countertop.

~T.S~

In the three weeks that followed when Loki remained elsewhere and nowhere near the Avengers, several things had happened.

Tony-cat now chased string, despite solidly telling himself that he was not that kind of cat. Tasha only had to produce a bit of yarn and he would rush from one side of the room to the other to chase the string.

Tony-cat got his own back on those that played the yarn trick on him by balancing on shelves and launching himself at their heads when they weren't looking.

Tony-cat also like chasing laser lights. He had run head first into many walls after discovering how pretty the lights were.

Tony-cat was now banned from his own lab after getting caught in wiring after chasing a light and almost causing a nuclear meltdown.

Tony-cat adored fish. He was a burden to Clint who loved to cook fish. No matter how quietly he opened the mackerel tin, even with every door shut, Tony would turn up and mew plaintively at his feet.

"You can talk!" Clint would shout, lightly moving the brown moggy with his foot but then Tony would butt up against him and wrap himself around the man's ankles until the archer finally gave him and set up a small portion of fish in a bowl on the table, just to get rid of the bloody cat.

Tony-cat at first was very angry at being left behind when the rest of them went on missions but he soon found being left with Pepper, Darcy and Jane had its perks. Like tuna. Tuna was a definite perk, and belly rubs.

But as good as the girls were at caring for him, nothing beat his late nights with Cap. He hated to admit it but he enjoyed being with Cap. The man wasn't so on edge when Tony was a cat. In fact he'd sit with him on his lap, absent-mindedly stroking his ears or scratching under his chin while the super soldier watched crappy TV. Steve would cook chicken solely for Tony to snack on and wouldn't quibble about giving him pieces of steak from his plate.

In return Tony kept quiet to the others about Steve's nightmares, nightmares that made him twitch and shudder. Tony would keep Steve company as the blonde tried to while away the hours, avoiding sleep. That was the way their new friendship seemed to work and for the foreseeable future it would seem – despite even Thor's arrival Loki seemed to be avidly avoiding the Avengers, probably because of the butt-whooping that would be coming when Tony was human again.


	31. A Stitch in Time

A/N: A short silly one shot. Enjoy! (The festive Christmas stories will be coming shortly!)

* * *

"A stitch in time saves nine Nat, but not when you rip them open." Clint had stuck his tongue out in concentration as he closed the wound for a third time.

"I don't think that life advice applies to actual wounds Clint." She quipped from the dining table in the safe house.

"I don't care what you think, you're meant to let them heal before you go out and get yourself bashed up." He sniped as he padded gauze around the puckered skin. He worked methodically and Tasha could feel his irritation roll off him.

"I didn't mean to get hurt but Hill needed me in the firefight otherwise we'd be attending her funeral instead of her sleeping off the drugs in the next room." She said softly and Clint sighed.

"I know why you did it Nat, I'm just mad I wasn't there in time." Clint helped her sit up, watching her wince slightly. She leant forwards slightly and pressed a kiss to the stubble on his cheek.

"You were there, as always." She murmured and saw his eyes were still full of worry but she shifted forwards until she could wrap her arms around his back. He bent his head down to press his forehead to hers and sighed. "That's all I needed." She smiled softly and was relieved to see a ghost of a smile on Clint's face as well.

"Good. But when we get back to SHIELD I am telling Fury you're off duty for a fortnight." The look on his face brooked no argument and even though she frowned at him and gave him her best Black Widow glare, he didn't budge on the matter.


	32. Eggnog

A/N: Honestly I don't know how it spiralled into this so quickly.

Apologies, and Merry Smutty Christmas!

* * *

"Tony Shhhtark." Maria was well and truly drunk but do you know something, it was delightful to see.

"Yesshh MariaHiiiillll." Tony was just as drunk.

"You are a butthead of the highest form, so muchhhh so you make it an art form." She waved her hand in his general direction and Cap had to laugh. He knew Tony had spiked the eggnog and that was why it was only him, Barnes and Thor that were sat watching the lower mortals drunkenly prattle. As Thor eloquently put it.

Bruce was passed out in the corner, having been subjected to Tony's sharpie efforts and was now covered in tiny little penises and scientific formulas. Vision, although entirely unbothered by the alcohol had been lured away by a merry Wanda to another room and was probably doing unspeakable things with the woman. She had left with a rather devious look on her face. But their actions probably mirrored the devious things that Natasha and Clint were exhibiting in the corner of the room; things that turned Cap's stomach and made Bucky laugh.

Even without the alcohol, Thor had willingly accepted a drunk Jane onto his lap and she was now cuddling into him, muttering inane pleasantries, intermingled with the occasional dirty thought. The pair soon exited the common room much to Bucky's further amusement, while Cap coloured rather prettily.

"The Avengers are a horny lot when drunk…" Bucky noted with a wry grin.

But it wasn't purely sexual antics that the Avengers indulged in when intoxicated; Sam had bet Darcy that he could drink more than her and the pair were now drunkenly laughing at the kitchen table while playing Battle Shots against one another. Steve had already gallantly carried out a sleeping Helen Cho and tucked her into bed, coming back to find Rhodey in a sheet of some sort, reciting lines from a Shakespeare play with Bucky cheering in all the right places.

"You are a terrible influence." Stece sat back down beside his best bud and clapped him on the thigh.

"I know and you wouldn't have me any other way." Bucky leant over and kissed Steve on the lips with a smile. Steve, though temporarily stymied by the kiss soon responded, turning his body to face Bucky, cupping the other man's face in his hands and pulling him closer. They were ignored by the others, who were all lost to their own Christmas spirit and the pair soon made their getaway back to Steve's room while Maria and Tony doggedly argued on just about everything.

The pair were all over each other as they slipped into the door, Bucky had Steve pressed against the wall, exchanging heated kisses and frantic touches and soon the two super-soldiers ended up tangled in the sheets, celebrating Christmas together in their own physical fashion.

~A~

When the others would awake with vicious hangovers on Christmas Morning (afternoon really), they would look at the carnage around them and sigh.

"Stark really?" Tasha grunted from the sofa, barely remembering to cover her very naked form with a blanket.

"What are you really-ing me for?" The inventor sat up with a wince and held his head. "Friday would you mind activating the blinds?" He scowled, but the good computer did as she was bid and soon the room was suitably darker. "Is there a reason you and Barton are naked?" He asked drily.

"Probably because we got some last night and you didn't." Clint grunted from behind Tasha's back.

"Guessing Wanda and Vis also got some." Maria was handed a cup of coffee by Helen who had appeared from the kitchen.

"Ditto with Janey and Thor, they're not here either." Darcy yawned and rubbed at her hair as Sam materialised behind her. "Who drew penises over Bruce?"

"Who drew what on me?!" Bruce exclaimed, looked over his hands and growling at Tony who held his hands up in surrender.

"Wait who else are we missing?" Tasha raised her head an inch above the sofa to scan the room.

"Steve… and Bucky…" Sam's voice drew off, leaving the question hanging in the air.

There was a beat of silence as everyone looked around at each other.

"No, they couldn't have." Maria wondered aloud, but Tasha was already hurriedly pulling on underwear and a top as she and Tony raced from the room, hangovers be damned. There was a rush to the sleeping quarters, uncaring if they woke the other naughty couples and the motley group assembled outside the door which Tasha soon broke into.

Sure enough, curled up around one another slept Barnes and Rogers, blissfully unaware that their comrades were staring incredulously at the sight of them in bed together.

"Called it!" Maria hooted, waking the pair up inelegantly.

"Really Hill, now who's the butthead?" Tony griped and the group was rewarded by the sight of a very angry, fairly naked Bucky storming towards the door and slamming it closed.

"I suppose we're lucky he didn't try to kill us." Darcy said drily before turning back to knock on Jane and Thor's door in a more civilised wake up call.

"Stark, you're banned from making eggnog ever again." Rhodey grunted, uncaring of Steve's Christmas celebrations – he just wanted coffee.


	33. Man Bun

A/N: Cracky one shot... as always!

* * *

"Man bun?" Thor looked adorably confused by the notion that Darcy was patiently explaining to him.

"Do I want to know what a man bun is?" Bucky had just walked into the lounge and was close to backing out again, especially when Darcy's eyes lit up at the sight of him.

"No!" She exclaimed jumping up. For such a short woman, she had a lot of strength and tugged the super-soldier to the sofa. "It's a hairstyle that will make your lives so much easier. Don't forget Thor, you got pasta sauce in your hair the other day…" Darcy reminded him when he opened his mouth. "This will fix that." She beamed and the two men looked warily at one another.

"Can anyone have a man bun?" Thor's brow crinkled.

"Anyone with long hair." Darcy smiled and Thor continued to look into the distance.

"So Loki could have one?"

"Loki could have one." She affirmed and Thor's face brightened.

"Then I shall fetch Loki and you shall give us man buns." He grinned and trotted out of the room.

"I'm not sure about this Darce." Bucky was frowning now but Darcy had made him sit on the floor between her legs and was now brushing his hair. "What are you doing?"

"Brushing your mop of hair." She stuck out her tongue and swiftly worked through the tangles and knots before grabbing a band from her wrist.

"Darcy that hurts."

"You'll cope."

"Don't want to."

"Tough." She had soon twisted up his locks into a bun at the back of his head, securing it neatly and tugging a few strands into place. Just as Loki and Thor came into the room. More accurately as Thor dragged Loki into the room.

"No brother, I know what a man bun is and I'll be damned if I let that diminutive mortal anywhere near my hair." Loki protested but Darcy raised a brow at him and pushed her glasses up her nose.

"Bring it on popsicle. Sit your butt on the floor right here and see if you can complain less than Barnes here." Darcy ordered and surprisingly Loki found himself submitting meekly to her demands.

Five minutes later and after much yowling in pain, interspersed with Darcy's despair that Loki's hair had never heard of a brush let alone met one, a sulky Loki was sat cross legged with a bun on the top of his head.

"Thor you're next big guy." Darcy promptly attacked Thor with the same gusto and he found a small topknot now keeping his hair out of the way.

"What is this…" Tasha walked in the lounge to see varying emotions from the newly groomed men.

"A travesty. That's what this is." Loki reached up to pull the band out but was stopped by Darcy.

"Ah ah ah ah. Touch that hair tie and I will make your life hell Laufeyson." She glared at him and sulkily he put his hand back by his side.

"Eh you all suit them." Tasha shrugged and Thor beamed. Bucky just looked uncomfortable and Loki was glaring at Darcy with a mixture of murderous rage and awe. "Fancy getting dinner?" She asked the group and manbuns were forgotten in the quest for Thai food.

That was until Tony came home.


	34. Nerdfest

A/N: I stubbornly stand by it, I like the idea of this friendship.

* * *

"So when would you have admitted that you wore glasses?" Hawkeye waggled the case in her face, 'oofting' when Maria launched herself at him and the pair went down amongst the last few boxes left to be unpacked.

"When I knew you wouldn't pisstake, so never." Maria retrieved the case and move off of him. She glared at him but he held his hands up in surrender.

Moving in with Hill would be exciting – the mixture of Fury's Right Hand Woman and Romanoff's Bitch had tongues wagging across SHIELD but as far as Clint was concerned he was looking forward to Maria as a housemate. She had a brilliant sense of humour, and as the pair were usually overlooked in the light of the Avengers they gelled quite comfortably. She was his guinea pig when it came to his new recipes and he was happy to let her whinge about the new recruits she was forced to train.

What he only realised, about a month into their new living arrangements, was that Maria Hill was a massive geek. Despite the shiny curls and slinky dresses that she'd don for Tony's parties, Maria Hill was a nerd. Full on nerd, "superwholock" all the way. The Maria Hill he would come home to was wrapped up in a duvet like a burrito, her glasses perched on her nose while she avidly devoured a series in a day.

That was how Clint Barton became emotionally invested in Destiel. It was why he sobbed over Sherlock's death, he argued passionately for Sherlolly while Maria heatedly clashed with him as she was all about the Johnlock and why the pair mutually decided that Donna Noble was the best thing to ever happen to Doctor Who.

"This is all your fault Hill." He would grumble as sat waiting for the next episode (on a now weekly basis...the horror!) of Doctor Who.

"You love it." She grinned before handing him pizza. The pair had made their nest on the sofa while they waited and she was practically vibrating waiting for the theme song to start.

"I know, that's the worst part." He scowled. He'd moved in with a nerd and now he was one.


	35. Mama Spider

A/N: A little bit of a sad one - I am sorry!

* * *

Hawkeye knew Natasha couldn't have children. She hadn't had to tell him, not at first.

Sure he had read it on a file that Nick Fury had given him all those years ago, when he brought a sullen but defeated Natasha back to SHIELD. The file had been slim and it wasn't Natalia centric, it was more the collected intel of the shady institution that bred the Black Widows.

He'd scoffed when he read it, unable to imagine that any woman 'made' in that hell hole would be a good mother regardless of her physical ability.

Now of course he took it all back, Natasha was fabulous with kids, especially his and she was also resilient enough to be a climbing frame for his two children as they grew. She ran amok with Lila on her back and Cooper tagging behind, begging to be lifted next. She sat on the old tractor with Cooper making the noises while Lila clung onto her neck. She interacted easily with the other children in the area, at the sports days and the little leagues. She babysat, cuddled the tiny ones and kissed knees better when there were tears. Despite the fear she invoked in adults, she was adored by children.

He watched his Tasha grow and flourish in his family and his heart ached for her when she made choo choo noises with fussy Lila's food, or when she stitched Cooper's favourite stuffed dog back together. His heart ached for the children she'd never coddle or cuddle, the children she wouldn't teach gymnastics to, or the ones she wouldn't sing Russian lullabies to.

He had brought Talia Romanova back to SHIELD to help her, because he'd seen a wild desperation in her that he had longed to help her with. Laura had said she just became a project until he fixed another part of the house and at the time she was probably right, even if Tasha Romanoff culminated into his absolute best friend in the whole universe.

She had cried one night, admitted to him after a substantial amount of practically pure alcohol that she was sterile. It had been early into their tentative partnership, when she still met his attempts with rebuffs and softly spoken Russian curses. In the end they had kicked the shit out of each other and gone for drinks with a new found respect for one another. It had been that night when she gave the more personal side of her barren body. She had let tears fall as her hands ghosted over her stomach and she had tried to bolster herself with half-hearted denials that she even wanted them. Hawkeye, despite the absinthe glasses he was wearing, had seen the pain. Maybe he'd seen it clearer because of the alcohol – he didn't see her pretence, only the dullness in her eyes.

So now, as he listened in at Nat's and Bruce's conversation his heart clenched all over again at her painful admission. He hadn't believed Laura when she said the scientist and Nat were close but there it was right before his eyes. But through the gap in the door he saw Banner's expression and he knew that this man, this man right here wouldn't care – he'd show her that she wasn't defective, she wasn't as broken as she thought she was, because in reality…. Bruce Banner was broken as well.

Hawkeye may have been slow on the uptake but he was quick to see a future between the two of them, where maybe Natasha could be a Mama Spider and adopt, teach a few fragile and delicate orphans what it means to be a family where blood was no big deal.


	36. The News

A/N: I love writing Darcy, and I wonder if that's because I'm a tiny bit in love with Kat Dennings, or because her character is so gooood to write!

Enjoy!

* * *

"Okay guys, do you want the bad news, the good news or the great news?!" Darcy had strolled back into the Tower with a sheepish smile.

"How was Vegas?" Tasha looked up from her place on the sofa and clocked that only Darcy was stood there. "Where's Jane and Thor?" She frowned. "I thought you were testing Thor's lightning out in the desert?"

"Tasha, stop asking questions." Tony was leaning against the door frame, having strolled in from the kitchen with Clint behind him. "Let's start with the great news."

"Ah, there's something that gets Thor drunk other than the alcohol made on Asgard!" Darcy beamed and Tony grinned back at her.

"Oh no." Cap said quietly.

"Turns out its tequila. He does need a fair bit mind." Darcy shrugged and she could already see Tony's brain working out where to get top quality tequila at such short notice in such vast quantities.

"That's the great news?" Clint asked, flopping down on the sofa next to Tasha.

"That was great news at the time… seeing him drunk was the best thing ever! We managed to keep damage to a minimum and Thor's adorable when drunk!" Darcy defended.

"Okay so what's the good news?"

"I was a bridesmaid for the first time in my life!" She grinned. "Which brings me onto the bad news… you guys weren't invited to Jane and Thor's impromptu Vegas wedding!" She shrugs apologetically and there was a moment of silence before the room exploded into noise.

"And he didn't invite me?!" Tony howled over the hubbub while Darcy tried to beat a hasty exit, stopped quickly by Tasha vaulting from the sofa to block the retreat.

"Woahh woahh woahh!" Clint shouted over the noise of mainly Tony whinging and the room calmed somewhat. "That's brilliant news, where are they?"

"Unofficial honeymoon I think." Darcy shifted under Tasha's fierce stare. "Come on guys, I was a bridesmaid to a God and a scientist! I looked hot, there was a fill-in best man who kissed like a dream, luckily I came home with no ring…" She tried to distract them.

"Where have they gone?" Bruce quizzed.

"Thor will murder me for this… the Maldives, they've gone to the Maldives because Jane's wanted to go since she was little." Tony was already halfway out of the room while Darcy explained.

"Can't you guys give them two weeks?!" Bruce exclaimed.

"Tash." Cap said quietly and the redhead sprang towards Tony and sat on his back. "Of course we can be polite and give them two weeks. They're newlyweds."

"But there's so many jokes to make." Tony grumbled. "The super scientist got drunk and had a _Vegas_ wedding. I want to make jokes about his hammer!" He grunted to the floor. When Tasha refused to let him up he gave a petulant sigh. "Fine I promise I won't contact them for two weeks…" He whined.

"Then you can make as many jokes as you like." Darcy smiled. "But I brought back the video, anyone wanna see it?" She grinned. "I look _great_ in my dress… ehh Jane not so much. Oh and Tony the real bad news…" She started with an unapologetic grin. "Your credit card statement for how much tequila was needed to get Thor drunk…" She shrugs and quickly flicks the DVD player to life.


	37. Green Fingered

A/N: I still love Darcy. So have this little pairing with Hawkeye!

Enjoy!

* * *

"Who genetically engineers plants!?" Darcy hisses as ivy wraps around legs quite of its own accord. She's glaring at Hawkeye who is now also being trussed by the greenery.

"Apparently he does." Clint snipes back and she gives him a droll look.

"Don't you have weed killer on you?" The vines tighten in response to her question and she squawks, her ankles locked together suddenly, causing her to tip over and fall straight into Clint. Similarly bound on the legs the pair fall into the plants around them and groan at the contact. The plants start to slacken and both are aware of a white cloud seeming to settle at the corners of their vision.

"Do you see that?" Clint whispers, unsure of the plants roiling around their legs.

"The mist? I see it, what did we land on?" Darcy grunts, lifting herself up to see the hemp sacking that broke their fall. Brushing leaves and dirt aside she frowned at the word that appeared below them. "Amore Santalales?" She quizzed staring at Hawkeye, who seemed closer than before. He'd propped himself up on one elbow and had definitely shifted closer. Instead of being alarmed by this, Darcy found herself grateful for his presence and leant closer to him.

"No idea." He said softly and pressed his lips to hers in a heat searing kiss. Darcy's brain rocketed through every emotion before short circuiting at the pressure. When it re-engaged, she found herself rocking against Clint's body, her hand cupping his face, while his hands kept her close to him. They were kissing in a frenzy, barely gasping for air as they were determined to get as close to one another as clothes would allow.

They would be found like that by Tasha and Cap, both of whom had respirators on. Neither Darcy nor Clint were willing to part for too long and they spent the journey back to SHIELD's nearest safe house wrapped in one another's embrace, nor would they consent to be parted for examinations. They barely paid attention when Maria told them she found a concentrated form of mistletoe in their system, apparently their latest green fingered baddie had found a way to turn it into an aphrodisiac, and Clint and Darcy had fallen onto the sacks of the dust, explaining their new infatuation with one another.

"Does it work on anyone? Like a date rape drug?" Natasha said, faintly nauseated as Darcy shifted into Clint's lap, still kissing fervently.

"Not sure, we can test." Maria shrugs.

"I am going to regret asking this but how…" Cap groaned.

"Well I'll take some of it, and give some to Tony… we know we definitely do not have dormant feelings for one another." Maria suggested and Tony huffed.

"Why am I the guinea pig?" He whined.

"Because you normally give Bruce things to drink or inhale." Maria shrugged. "You're like Sherlock Holmes … constantly testing on his Watson." She smirked and Tony's expression soured.

"Fine, hand me the damn vial." He held out a hand. "It'll be interesting if I find Hill's annoying butt so attractive I'll want her grinding on me like Miss Lewis is currently doing to Legolas." He grimaces at the sight.

"Can you two stop." Tasha snaps at Clint and Darcy, they blink slowly at her, as if they'd forgotten they were surrounded by their teammates. Teammates who were now strapping on respirators.

But, they go back to kissing as Maria and Tony inhale the dust with a few coughs and splutters and stand there expectantly staring at one another. It soon becomes apparent that the _Amore Santalales_ does not work if there isn't a pre-existing attraction. In fact it becomes increasingly clear as Maria and Tony go off in search of other people that the drug was entirely dependent on want and could not be forced.

"Maybe that's why it was stored in that warehouse instead of being filtered through the black markets?" Tasha said through her mask.

"When Tony's back as Tony we'll study the science. I don't know if Jane will want this hanging around her lab." Bruce sighs. "In the mean time I suggest we leave these two and store this…" He points at the incriminating air tight container. "Somewhere safe… I can't imagine what Valentine's Day will be like with this around." He groaned; he hated bio-hazards.

"Let's leave and get out of these respirators." Tasha nodded at her remaining team members and they quickly leave a rapidly stripping Darcy and Clint to their deserved ministrations.

"Remind me when we visit Monsieur Herba that we ask him just why he thought this was the way to take over the world." Steve says incredulously, the memory of Clint's naked butt tattooed into his memory.


	38. Parenthood Perils

A/N: Okay this is dialogue heavy but I hope it's not too confusing! If it is, I'll try and juggle it to make it seem less so, but I kind of like it as it is...

Enjoy!

* * *

"No."

"But Mooom, you don't know what I want!" The sulky teenager whine echoed through the room.

"I do, and no." The mother's voice reprimanded, the tone brooked no argument.

"What is it then?" A belligerent tone matched the mother's in defiance.

"You want a thermonuclear atom divider, just like the one Uncle Tony has built and it's a definite, resounding no." The mother said with conviction.

"But mom…"

"It's still a no Anita." Still firm, the mother continued with her task, while watching the stubborn expression on her daughter's face.

The blonde teenager stormed out of the room in a huff, muttering obscenities under her breath as she stalked away from her mother.

"You know Eric gets to use his mother's lab!"

"Eric is also a demi god!" Tasha shouted back, picking up another arrow to fix and fletch.

"And!? Like my upbringing is normal?!" Anita snorted before storming away to her bedroom. Sometimes the Stark Tower didn't feel big enough, and this was one of the moments. Feeling particularly vicious the teenager opted to slam her door as hard as possible - which wasn't much considering the hydraulics. It made a rather unsatisfying 'snick' noise instead.

~N.R~

"Okay no thermonuclear atom divider, but can I have an incubator?" Anita asked three hours later.

"For?" Tasha said patiently, she had moved on from re-fletching Clint's arrows to cleaning her own guns.

"If I say a science class project…?"

"Which is…" Tasha hadn't looked up, which Anita had always found infuriating – her puppy dog eyes looked usually got Uncle Tony and Uncle Thor right in the feelings and they caved at her beautiful brown eyes. Mom was a much harder cookie to crumble.

"A foray into cloning from Uncle Loki's DNA." Tasha had to laugh at her daughter's ingenuity, and temerity.

"How would you be getting Uncle Loki's DNA?" Tasha crossed her arms and finally looked up at her belligerent daughter, placing the gun on the table in front of her.

"It involves Eric and Jenny." Anita said unashamedly.

"Chloroform?" Tasha raised an eyebrow, calculating the best way to stop Anita just getting what she wanted; usually for Tony it went with giving him cookies or a new screwdriver, Steve required an apple pie (usually Clint's home made) and Bruce adored yoga tapes. Her daughter on the other hand was harder to bribe.

"In that weird ceremonial helmet." Anita grinned at her own stroke of genius.

"In that case…" Anita started bouncing on her toes excitedly at her mom's admission. "I know nothing of it, but you're gonna want to ask Uncle Buck to help move Loki somewhere, like a study, like the one I have on the fourth floor." Tasha said aloud looking at her daughter with shrewd eyes. They may not be biologically related but Anita's existence had taught Tasha that it was nurture that won out, especially when Anita threw all of her intelligence into teaming up with Thor's son and Stark's daughter.

"Why not Uncle Steve?" Anita frowned for a moment, Uncle Bucky was harder to win over and she hated sharing her eyeliner with him.

"Uncle Steve doesn't like chloroform, thinks it's cowardly – Bucky is just fine with it." Tasha grinned. "There's an incubator in your father's lab that you can use for now." Tasha raised one brow.

"Can we build up to the divider?" Anita tried again with a hopeful smile.

"Keep dreaming Kiddo, and I've already spoken to your father – he won't be persuaded by you." Tasha nodded and the smile fell from her daughter's face. "We'll see about getting you a lab for the three of you if you pull this off. Which naturally I know nothing about." There was a brief moment of scrutiny between mother and daughter but Anita gave her a nod of defeat and scampered off with a hurried goodbye.


	39. Bribery

A/N: Mad little AU, written with love. Sort of Stucky

Enjoy!

* * *

"How much do you think it will cost me to get someone to play with my hair?" Bucky had flopped down on the sofa, beside Nat who was tapping away on a laptop, working on her latest case.

"If it's Tony you can't afford it, if it's Hawkeye I doubt you can beat him in a sharp shooting competition, but if it's Cap a packet of cookies each time." Nat muttered distractedly, deleting a sentence and frowning at her screen.

"Really, all it would take is cookies?" Bucky pipes up and peers curiously at the redhead. "How do you know this?"

"How do you think…?" She answers drily, and Bucky frowns at her but she winks back. "He likes chocolate chip the best." She says innocently and lets out a snicker as the soldier vanishes from sight.

~B.B~

"Tash." Clint's voice echoes from the kitchen.

"Yes?"

"Where's all the cookies gone?" He sticks his head around the door pouting.

"Don't know." Tasha says, hiding her grin and wondering just where Cap and Barnes had run off to.

She wouldn't have gone far to find them, if she had tried; they were curled up in Bucky's bed, catching up on some British TV show about aliens and phone-boxes whilst munching on cookies. Bucky rested with a contented smile on his face, as he was the little spoon to Steve's dextrous fingers, occasionally passing up cookies to prevent Steve from stopping.

"Feels soo gooood." He whines and Steve stops suddenly.

"Really…?"

"Have another cookie."

"Did Tasha tell you about the cookies?!" Steve asks, the brain wave suddenly reaching him.

"…maybe." Bucky hedges, looking up at Steve with innocent eyes as Steve narrows his in response.

"I'll get her back tomorrow." The blonde decides with a huff and resettles himself in bed and tangling his fingers in Bucky's hair. "You could have just asked, you don't need to give me cookies…"

"Next time I won't bring cookies then." Bucky closes his eyes once more, Steve's fingers lulling him into an almost comatose state.

"Punk, I said you didn't need to… but I still want them." Steve grumbles as Bucky laughs.

"Okay, so it's not a payment, more a donation. It's all semantics now, don't stop I'm almost asleep." He smiles and cuddles down properly, completing missing the end of the episode.


	40. Never Have I Ever

A/N: Something to amuse after my month of inactivity on this story. Sorry!

* * *

"Never have I killed three men with one move." Darcy grinned as Natasha was forced to drink again. So did Bucky, as did Steve… in fact most of the assembled Avengers were chugging except for her.

"You have a very deceiving face." Tony grumbled, grabbing another beer.

"Meaning?" She said brightly.

"You look like innocent but there's the heart and mind of a Slytherin under that beanie hat." Tasha grunted, swirling the remains of her vodka in the glass.

"I'm a proud Slytherin." She shrugged and the game moved on.

"Never have I ever run into a pet store while a town was being levelled." Natasha said with a smirk as only Darcy drank.

"Never have I ever tasered a God." Hawkeye's face was entirely innocent as again only Darcy drank, a shrewd look falling over the intern's features.

"Never have I ever punched someone because I didn't get coffee in the morning." Tony continued and now Darcy was looking decidedly grumpy as she swigged another mouthful.

"Never have I ever hacked Tony's suits to play children's nursery rhymes." Steve said lightly and now she was definitely pissed as she slowly took another drag from her glass. Sure she wasn't drinking Tasha level vodka but Tony never bought the cheap stuff.

"That was you!?" Tony leapt up. "I've been blaming Rhodey for weeks!" Darcy remained resolutely silent.

"Never have I ever faked having a period three weeks in a month to avoid training." Maria was laughing as Darcy drained the glass and reached to refill.

"Never have I ever thrown a strop because I started to lose a game." Bucky bit his lip to stop his smile as Darcy let out an exasperated noise and drank yet again. It only got worse, with at least 5 on 1 in each round and soon at least three quarters of the vodka bottle was filtering its way into Darcy's bloodstream.

"Never. Have. I. Ever. Bullied someone because they were, for once, better at something than they were." Darcy grunted, feeling her world spin, eyeballing the group… staring hard at Steve knowing he'd crack first. He did, he went a shade of pink and looked at his beer. "Goodnight." She stood, knowing she was swaying slightly but she smacked away Bucky's assistance and instead opted use the wall as a guide stumbling into the elevator and allowing Jarvis to get her to the right floor.

When she woke with a dull headache and a dry mouth the next morning Darcy groaned and burrowed beneath her pillows. Then there was a rattle on the door handle and she realised that's what woke her in the first place. Poking her head up she, first realised she was on the couch and second, was pleased to see a dining room chair jammed under the handle.

"Darcy?" Hawkeye's voice on the other side only flared her headache and she opted to remain silent. Then the door rattled harder and she heard his softly spoken curse. She heard Jarvis politely inform him that Darcy would not be letting him in any time soon, and that he was best to try later. "Darce, if you're awake I came to apologise." The silence that greeted him made him swear again and she heard him stomp off elsewhere. Dragging her miserable hide off of the couch into the small kitchen she ran the tap and stuck her head under it before dragging another chair from the small table into her bedroom. Pausing for a moment she checked the old-fashioned lock she had insisted being installed on her door and then continued to bed, jamming the second chair under her bedroom door handle as well.

~D.L~

She slept for the rest of the day, every time she opened her eyes she felt like they'd been rolled in tissue paper, her body ached and no matter how often she used mouthwash and brushed her teeth the foul feeling in her mouth didn't give up.

Finally, at around 9pm she rolled over onto her side and was faintly relieved to see the world did not spin with her. Dragging the chair away from the door she stumbled into her shower and sat on the floor of the cubicle feeling very sorry for herself. She knew she was now 26 but, really did her body need to prove that she shouldn't drink that much anymore!? Her stomach rumbled loudly so she quietly asked Jarvis to order pizza before shuffling back into her bedroom. It was as she was crossing the sitting room, wrapped in her towel that the metal arm slammed its way through the door. When Bucky wrenched the chair away from the door, Darcy got a small satisfaction out of the resistance the chain lock put up, making him slam his head against the door but of course it was a paltry obstacle for the Winter Solider.

What was much more entertaining was both Steve and Bucky staring red-faced at the practically naked Darcy staring at them.

"Well that was dramatic." She sighed, securing the hair turban more securely before side stepping the wreckage of her door to the kitchen.

"Darcy you haven't come out all day!" Tony exclaimed, "We thought you were in trouble!"

"I almost died from alcohol poisoning." She said lightly, fixing the coffee machine before staring back at the trio.

"We came to apologise." Steve looked pained.

"Not accepted, now I have pizza coming and I'd much rather play out the porno of the pizza delivery boy than the orgy that would happen with you three…" She said drily, watching with a smug smile as each of the three turned a funny shade of red. "Alternatively we could notch up my taser count to four Avengers instead of just the one."

"Okay." Bucky said simply. "If it's how you'll forgive us then you can taser us."

"I did not agree to this?" Tony gaped at the Winter Soldier.

"Come on, she was trouncing our butts at Never Have I Ever and all of us _Avengers_ teamed up on an entirely human colleague… we were mean, she gets to be mean back." Bucky said patiently.

~D.L~

"Hurts doesn't it." Darcy said smugly as Bucky groaned from his position on the floor. "I mean it took down Thor who is a God…" She patted him consolingly and, a little condescendingly on the head before reloading her taser for Steve. "Ready Capsicle?"


End file.
